70+ Funny Percy Jackson Quotes About Love, Life & Olympians

She raised an eyebrow. “you got something to say to me, seaweed brain?”

you’d probably kick my butt.”

you know i’d kick your butt.”

i brushed the cake off my hands. “when I was at the river styx, turning invulnerable . . . Nico said I had to concentrate on one thing that kept me anchored to the world, that made me want to stay mortal.”

annabeth kept her eyes on the horizon. “yeah?”

then up on olympus,” I said, “when they wanted to make me a god and stuff, I kept thinking-“

oh, you so wanted to.”

well, maybe a little. But I didn’t, because I thought-i didn’t want things to stay the same for eternity, because things could always get better. And I was thinking . . .” my throat felt really dry.

anyone in particular?” annabeth asked, her voice soft.

i looked over and saw that she was trying not to smile.

you’re laughing at me,” I complained.

i am not!”

you are so not making this easy.”

then she laughed for real, and she put her hands
around my neck. “i am never, ever going to make things easy for you, seaweed brain. Get used to it.

Hey, can I see that sword you were using?”
i showed him riptide, and explained how it turned from a pen into a sword just by uncapping it.
“cool! does it ever run out of ink?”
“um, well, I don’t actually write with it.”
“are you really the son of poseidon?”
“well, yeah.”
“can you surf really well, then?”
i looked at grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
“jeez, nico,” I said. “i’ve never really tried.”
he went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with thalia, since she was a daughter of zeus? (i didn’t answer that one.) if annabeth’s mother was athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn’t annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (i tried not to strangle nico for asking that one.) was annabeth my girlfriend? (at this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.).

The throne rumbled. A wave of gale-force anger slammed into me.
who dares-
the voice stopped abruptly, the anger retreated, which was a good thing, because just those two words had almost blasted my mind to shreds.
percy. My fathers voice was still angry but more controlled. What-exactly-are you doing on my throne?
“i’m sorry, father,” I said. “i needed to get your attention.”
this was a very dangerous thing to do. Even for you. If I hadn’t looked before I blasted, you would now be a puddle of seawater.

Where’s the glory in repeating what others have done?.

Grover was sniffing the wind, looking nervous. He fished out his acorns and threw them into the sand, then played his pipes. They rearranged themselves in a pattern that made no sense to me, but grover looked concerned.
“that’s us,” he said. “those five nuts right there.”
“which one is me?” I asked.
“the little deformed one,” zoe suggested.
“oh, shut up.

I nodded, looking at rachel with respect. “you hit the lord of the titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush.

You’re dionysus,” I said. “the god of wine.”
mr. D rolled his eyes. “what do they say these days, grover? do the children say ‘well duh!’?”
y-yes, mr. D.”
then, well, duh! percy jackson. Did you think I was aphrodite, perhaps?”
you’re a god.”
yes, child.”
a god. You.

The first lesson every child of athena learned: mom was the best at everything, and you should never, ever suggest otherwise.

Annabeth:my fatal flaw. That’s what the sirens showed me. My fatal flaw is hubris.
percy: the brown stuff they spread on veggie sandwiches?
annabeth:no, seaweed brain. That’s hummus. Hubris is worse.
percy: what could be worse than hummus?
annabeth: hubris means deadly pride, percy. Thinking you can do things better than anyone else… Even the gods.

This is buford,” leo announced.
“you name your furniture?” frank asked.

Why can’t you place a blessing like that on us?” I asked.

“it only works on wild animals.”

“so it would only affect percy,” annabeth reasoned.

“hey!” I protested.

Percy: don’t I get a kiss for luck? it’s kind of a tradition, right?
annabeth: come back alive, seaweed brain. Then we’ll see.

Safety from what? who’s after me?”
oh, nobody much,” grover said, obviously still miffed about the donkey comment. “just the lord of the dead and a few of his blood-thirstiest minions.

So…these pillars of hercules. Are they dangerous?”
annabeth stayed focused on the cliffs. “for greeks, the pillars marked the end of the known world. The romans said the pillars were inscribed with a latin warning—”
“non plus ultra,” percy said.
annabeth looked stunned. “yeah. Nothing further beyond. How did you know?”
percy pointed. “because i’m looking at it.

You are okay?” he asked. “not eaten by monsters?”
“not even a little bit.” I showed him that I still had both arms and both legs, and tyson clapped happily.
“yay!” he said. “now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! we can fight monsters and see annabeth and make things go boom!”
i hoped he didn’t mean all at the same time, but I told him absolutely, we’d have a lot of fun this summer.

Gods of olympus.” piper stared at leo. “what happened to you?”
his hair was greased back. He had welding goggles on his forehead, a lipstick mark on his cheek, tattoos all over his arms, and a t-shirt that read hot stuff, bad boy, and team leo.
“long story,” he said.

It’s him,” I said. “typhon.”
i was seriously hoping chiron would say something good, like ‘no, that’s our huge friend leroy! he’s going to help us!.

Very slowly using two fingers, annabeth drew her dagger. Instead of dropping it, she tossed it as far as she could into the water.

octavian made a squeaking sound. “what was that for? I didn’t say toss it! that could’ve been evidence. Or spoils of war!”

annabeth tried for a dumb-blonde smile, like: oh, silly me. Nobody who knew her would have been fooled. But octavian seemed to buy it. He huffed in exasperation.

“you other two…” he pointed his blade a hazel and piper. “put your weapons on the dock. No funny bus–“

all around the romans, charleston harbor erupted like a las vegas fountain putting on a show. When the wall of seawater subsided, the three romans were in the bay, spluttering and frantically trying to stay afloat in their armor. Percy stood on the dock, holding annabeth’s dagger.

“you dropped this,” he said, totally poker-faced.

This is the wilderness school. ‘where the kids are animals.

Nothing like watching your relatives fight, I always say.

Behold!” percy shouted. “the god’s chosen beverage. Tremble before the horror of diet coke!.

I’d love to tell you I had some deep revelation on my way down, that I came to terms with my own mortality, laughed in the face of death, et cetera.

the truth? my only thought was: aaaaggghhhhh!.

Percy blinked. “so your brother is a winged horse. But you’re also my half brother, which means all the flying horses in the world are my…you know what? lets’ forget it.

It’s funny how humans can wrap their mind around things and fit them into their version of reality.

You drool when you sleep.

Please, percy…change your clothes. You smell like you’ve been run over by an electric horse.

Dreams like a podcast,
downloading truth in my ears.
they tell me cool stuff.”
“apollo?” I guess, because I figured nobody else could make a haiku that bad.
he put his finger to his lips. “i’m incognito. Call me fred.”
“a god named fred?.

I said hello to the poodle.

Blackjack,” percy said, “this is piper and jason. They’re friends.”
the horse nickered.
“uh, maybe later,” percy answered.
piper had heard that percy could speak to horses, being the son of the horse lord poseidon, but she’d never seen it in action.
“what does blackjack want?” she asked.
“donuts,” percy said. “always donuts.

You sneaked into my cabin?”
annabeth rolled her eyes. “percy, you’ll be seventeen in two months. You can’t seriously be worried about getting in trouble with coach hedge.”
“uh, have you seen his baseball bat?”
“besides, seaweed brain, I just thought we could take a walk. We haven’t had any time to be together alone. I want to show you something—my favorite place aboard the ship.”
percy’s pulse was still in overdrive, but it wasn’t from fear of getting in trouble. “can i, you know, brush my teeth first?”
“you’d better,” annabeth said. “because i’m not kissing you until you do. And brush your hair while you’re at it.

Even strength must bow to wisdom sometimes.

Suspecting and knowing are not the same.

She’d also called me brave…unless she was talking to the catfish.

How did you die?”
“we er….drowned in a bathtub.”
“all three of you?”
“it was a big bathtub.

Monkey bar,” annabeth said. “i’m great at these.” she leaped onto to the first rung and start swinging her way across. She was scared of tiny spiders, but not of plummeting to her death from a set of monkey bars. Go figure.

Braccas meas vescimini!”
i wasn’t sure where the latin came from. I think it meant ‘eat my pants!.

Annabeth,” he said hesitantly, “in new rome, demigods can live their whole lives in peace.”
her expression turned guarded. “reyna explained it to me. But, percy, you belong at camp half-blood. That other life—”
“i know,” percy said. “but while I was there, I saw so many demigods living without fear: kids going to college, couples getting married and raising families. There’s nothing like that at camp half-blood. I kept thinking about you and me…and maybe someday when this war with the giants is over…”
it was hard to tell in the golden light, but he thought annabeth was blushing. “oh,” she said…
“i’m sorry,” he said. “i just…i had to think of that to keep going. To give me hope. Forget I mentioned—”
“no!” she said. “gods, percy, that’s so sweet.

Now, come over here so I can pat you down.”
“but you don’t have-” percy stopped. “uh, sure.”
he stood next to the armless statue. Terminus conducted a rigorous mental pat down.
“you seem to be clean,” terminus decided. “do you have anything to declare?”
“yes,” percy said. “i declare that this is stupid.

He turned to frank who was trying to pull his fingers out of the chinese handcuffs…
“okay,” frank relented. “sure.” he frowned at his fingers, trying to pull them out of the trap. “uh, how do you—”
leo chuckled. “man, you’ve never seen those before? there’s a simple trick to getting out.”
frank tugged again with no luck. Even hazel was trying not to laugh.
frank grimaced with concentration. Suddenly, he disappeared. On the deck where he’d been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of chinese handcuffs.
“well done, frank zhang,” leo said dryly, doing his impression of chiron the centaur. “that is exactly how people beat chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.

Deadlines just aren’t real to me until i’m staring one in the face.

The real story of the fleece: there were these two children of zeus, cadmus and europa, okay? they were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to zeus to save them. So zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in greece and carried them all the way to colchis in asia minor. Well, actually it carried cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that’s not important.”
“it was probably important to her.

Wow,” thalia muttered. “apollo is hot.”
“he’s the sun god,” I said.
“that’s not what I meant.

My mother made a squeaking sound that might of been either “yes” or “help”.
poseidon took it as a yes and came in.
paul was looking back and forth between us, trying to read our expressions.
finally he stepped forward.
“hi, i’m paul blofis.”
poseidon raised an eyebrow and then shook his hand.
“blowfish, did you say?”
“ah, no. Blofis, actually.”
“oh, I see,” poseidon said. “a shame. I quite like blowfish. I am poseidon.”
“poseidon? that’s an interesting name.”
“yes, I like it. I’ve gone by other names, but I do prefer poseidon.”
“like the god of the sea.”
“very much like that, yes”
“well!” my mother interrupted. “um, were so glad you could drop by. Paul, this is percy’s father.”
“ah.” paul nodded, though he didn’t look real pleased. “i see.”
poseidon smiled at me. “there you are, my boy. And tyson, hello, son!”
“daddy!” tyson [shouted]…
paul’s jaw dropped. He stared at my mother. “tyson is…”
“not mine,” she promised. “it’s a long story.

Knowing too much of your future is never a good thing.

My name is percy jackson.
i’m twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at yancy academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate new york.
am I a troubled kid?
yeah. You could say that.

Can you surf really well, then?”
i looked at grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
“jeez, nico,” I said. “i’ve never really tried.”
he went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with thalia, since she was a daughter of zeus? (i didn’t answer that one.) if annabeth’s mother was athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn’t annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (i tried not to strangle nico for asking that one.) was annabeth my girlfriend? (at this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.).

Aphros nodded, a glint of pride in his eyes. “we have trained all the famous mer-heroes! name a famous mer-hero, and we have trained him or her!”
“oh, sure,” leo said. “like…um, the little mermaid?”
aphros frowned. “who? no! like triton, glaucus, weissmuller, and bill!”
“oh. ”leo had no idea who any of those people were. “you trained bill? impressive.

Festus just detected a large group of eagles behind us—long-range radar, still not in sight.”
piper leaned over the console. “are you sure they’re roman?”
leo rolled his eyes. “no, pipes. It could be a random group of giant eagles flying in perfect formation. Of course they’re roman!.

Aphrodite,” [annabeth] said.
“venus?” hazel asked in amazement.
“mom,” piper said with no enthusiasm.
“girls!” the goddess spread her arms like she wanted a group hug.
the three demigods did not oblige. Hazel backed into a palmetto tree.

Humans see what they want to see.

Grover didn’t say anything for awhile. Then, when I thought he was going to give me some deep philosophical comment to make me feel better, he said, “can I have your apple?.

All I could think of was that the teachers must’ve found the illegal stash of candy i’d been selling out of my dorms room. Or maybe they’d realized I got my essay on tom sawyer from the internet without ever reading the book and now they were going to take away my grade. Or worse, they were going to make me read the book.

Save yourselves!” percy warned. “it is too late for us!”
then he gasped and pointed to the spot where frank was hiding. “oh, no! frank is turning into a crazy dolphin!”
nothing happened.
“i said,” percy repeated, “frank is turning into a crazy dolphin!”
frank stumbled out of nowhere, making a big show of grabbing his throat. “oh, no,” he said, like he was reading from a teleprompter. “i am turning into a crazy dolphin.”
he began to change, his nose elongating into a snout, his skin becoming sleek and gray. He fell to the deck as a dolphin, his tail thumping against the boards.
the pirate crew disbanded in terror.

Afterward, I had the last laugh. I made an air bubble at the bottom of the lake. Our friends kept waiting for us to come up, but hey-when you are the son of poseidon, you don’t have to hurry. And it was pretty much the best underwater kiss of all time.

Hades raised an eyebrow. When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment,as if the garment was stitched of trapped souls from the fields of punishment, trying to get out. The adhd part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into hades’ underwear?.

What if it lines up like it did in the trojan war … Athena versus poseidon?”
“i don’t know. But I just know that i’ll be fighting next to you.”
“why?”
“because you’re my friend, seaweed brain. Any more stupid questions?.

Hazel!” he yelled. “that box! open it!”
she hesitated, then saw the box he meant. Te label read warning. Do not open.
“open it!” leo yelled again.

[piper] rushed to get dressed. By the time she got up on deck, the others had already gathered—all hastily dressed except for coach hedge, who had pulled the night watch.
frank’s vancouver winter olympics shirt was inside out. Percy wore pajama pants and a bronze breastplate, which was an interesting fashion statement. Hazel’s hair was all blown to one side as though she’d walked through a cyclone; and leo had accidentally set himself on fire. His t-shirt was in charred tatters. His arms were smoking.

I still don’t understand what a sea god would be doing in atlanta.”
leo snorted. “what’s a wine god doing in kansas? gods are weird.

Remind me again-why do you hate me so much?”

i don’t hate you.”

could’ve fooled me.”

she folded her cap of invisibility. “look…we’re just not supposed to get along, okay? our parents are rivals.”

why?”

she sighed. “how many reasons do you want? one time my mom caught poseidon with his girlfriend in athena’s temple, which is hugely disrespectful. Another time, athena and poseidon competed to be the patron god for the city of athens. Your dad created some stupid saltwater spring for his gift. My mom created the olive tree. The people saw that her gift was better, so they named the city after her.”

they must really like olives.”

oh, forget it.”

now, if she’d invented pizza-that I could understand.

We’re staying together,” he promised. “you’re not getting away from me. Never again.

I gave her my deluxe i’ll-kill-you-later stare.

Once she was gone, I knelt next to annabeth and felt her forehead. She was still burning up.
“you’re cute when you’re worried,” she muttered. “your eyebrows get all scrunched together.”
“you are not going to die while I owe you a favor,” I said. “why did you take that knife?”
“you would’ve done the same for me.”
it was true. I guess we both knew it. Still, I felt like somebody was poking my heart with a cold metal rod.

Hercules,huh? percy frowned. “that guy was like the starbucks of ancient greece. Everywhere you turn–there he is.

The sea does not like to be restrained.

If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself.

The meeting was like a war council with donuts. Then again, back at camp half-blood they used to have their most serious discussions around the ping-pong table in the rec room with crackers and cheez whiz, so percy felt right at home.

Down in the water, octavian yelled, “get me out of here! i’ll kill you!”
“tempting,” percy called down.

I could have killed you.”
“or I could have killed you,” percy said.
jason shrugged. “if there’d been an ocean in kansas, maybe.”
“i don’t need an ocean—”
“boys,” annabeth interrupted, “i’m sure you both would’ve been wonderful at killing each other. But right now, you need some rest.”
food first,” percy said. “please?.

Go on with what your heart tells you, or you will lose all.

Hmm…” jason snapped his fingers. “i can call a friend for a ride.”
percy raised his eyebrows. “oh, yeah? me too. Let’s see whose friend gets here first.

Naturally, coach hedge went ballistic; but percy found it hard to take the satyr seriously since he was barely five feet tall.
“never in my life!” coach bellowed, waving his bat and knocking over a plate of apples. “against the rules! irresponsible!”
“coach,” annabeth said, “it was an accident. We were talking, and we fell asleep.”
“besides,” percy said, “you’re starting to sound like terminus.”
hedge narrowed his eyes. “is that an insult, jackson? ’cause i’ll—i’ll terminus you, buddy!.

Leo drummed his fingers. “great. I should have installed a smoke screen that makes the ship smell like a giant chicken nugget. Remind me to invent that, next time.”
hazel frowned. “what is a chicken nugget?”
“oh, man…” leo shook his head in amazement. “that’s right. You’ve missed the last, like, seventy years. Well, my apprentice, a chicken nugget—”
“doesn’t matter,” annabeth interrupted.

The real world is where the monsters are.

And,” annabeth continued, “it reminds me how long we’ve known each other. We were twelve, percy. Can you believe that?”
“no, he admitted. “so…you knew you liked me from that moment?”
she smirked. “i hated you at first. You annoyed me. Then I tolerated you for a few years. Then—”
“okay, fine.”
she leaned in and kissed: him a good, proper kiss without anyone watching—no romans anywhere, no screaming satyr chaperones.
she pulled away. “i missed you, percy.”
percy wanted to tell her the same thing, but it seemed too small a comment. While he had been on the roman side, he’d kept himself alive almost solely by thinking of annabeth. I missed you didn’t really cover that.

He was slumped over, blood trickling from the side of his mouth. I shook his furry hip, thinking, no! even if you are half barnyard animal, you’re my best friend and I don’t want you to die!.

Don’t feel bad, i’m usually about to die.

Annabeth gripped the hilt of her dagger. “a bounty on our heads . . . As if we didn’t attract enough monsters already.”
“do we get wanted posters?” leo asked. “and do they have our bounties, like, broken down on a price list?”
hazel wrinkled her nose. “what are you talking about?”
“just wondering how much i’m going for these days,” leo said. “i mean, I can understand not being as pricey as percy or jason, maybe . . . But am I worth, like, two franks, or three franks?.

God alert!” blackjack yelled. “it’s the wine dude!
mr. D sighed in exasperation. “the next person, or horse, who calls me the ‘wine dude’ will end up in a bottle of merlot!.

Once the others were below, hazel and leo faced each other awkwardly. They were alone except for coach hedge, who was back on the quarterdeck singing the pokémon theme song. The coach had changed the words to: gotta kill ’em all, and leo really didn’t want to know why.

This is annabeth,” jason said. “uh, normally she doesn’t judo-flip people.

It’s useless to lecture a human.

It’s okay,” he said. “we’re together.” he didn’t say you’re okay, or we’re alive. After all they’d been through over the last year, he knew that the most important thing was that they were together. She loved him for saying that.