Carrie: Actually, my heaviest relationship was with an acid-rock singer… named Robert Crumly. We were together, oh, eight-and-a-half days. God, I really thought that was it.
Bandit: And?
Carrie: One day, I came home and found him in the shower… with a girl… and her mother!
Bandit: Well, at least he kept it in the family.

Bandit:
For the good old American life: For the money, for the glory, and for the fun… mostly for the money.

Big Enos: Son, you’re looking at a legend.
Little Enos: I guess a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot a like, daddy.

Sheriff Branford: The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.Buford T.
Justice: The god damn Germans got nothin’ to do with it.

Cledus Snow: Besides, I can’t go with you. I got to go to Conyers in the morning and pick up a load of manure.
Bandit: Um, shitty job.

Bandit: Snowman, you got your ears on?
Cledus Snow: You lucky devil, you got him! Where the hell are you?

This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin’ around with those show folk fags.

Junior: My hat blew off, daddy.Buford T.
Justice: I hope your g*dd*mn head was in it.

Bandit: Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please.Buford T.
Justice: Who there?
Bandit: This is Bandit Darville talkin’.Buford T.
Justice: Where are you, you sombitch?
Bandit: Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there’s just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog, ’cause I’ve been chased by the best of them, and son, you make ’em look like they’re all runnin’ in slow motion. I just wanna say that.Buford T.
Justice: Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you’re the goddamnedest pursuee I’ve ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullsh*t is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SOMBITCH?

You sum-bitches couldn’t close an umbrella.

Carrie: You have a great profile.
Bandit: Yeah, I do, don’t I? Especially from the side.
Carrie: Well, at least we agree on something.
Bandit: Yeah. We both like half of my face.

Bandit: You must be in a hell of a hurry, huh, Sheriff?Buford T.
Justice: You bet your *ss on that, boy.

You sum b*tch. You did that on purpose. You’re going away ’till you’re gray. I got the evidence.

Bandit: Now, gettin’ to Texarkana and back in 28 hours, that’s no problem.
Little Enos: It ain’t never been done before, hot sh*t.
Bandit: Watch your language, little lady.

Give me a diablo sandwich, a Dr. Pepper, and make it quick, I’m in a god-damn hurry.

Little Enos: Well, if you can’t do it…
Bandit: That’s real good psychology. Why don’t you say something bad about my mother?
Little Enos: Your momma is so ugly…

What the hell is the world coming to?

Daddy! Wait! Who’s gonna hold your hat?

Buford T.
Justice: Hey boy, where is Sheriff Branford at?
Sheriff Branford: I AM Sheriff Branford.Buford T.
Justice: Oh, pardon me. For some reason you sounded a little taller on radio.

Cledus Snow: Whoa!
Cledus Snow: I just passed another Kojack with a Kodak, this place is crawling with bears, where the hell are you?

I’m gonna barbecue your *ss in molasses.

Bandit: Cledus, get the money.
Little Enos: How ’bout double or nothin’?
Bandit: Wait a minute. What about double or nothin’?
Little Enos: You run up to Boston, and bring back some clam chowder for me and my daddy.
Carrie: You’re on.
Bandit: Uh, you’re on.
Big Enos: In 18 hours?
Bandit: You’re still on.

Buford T.
Justice: And don’t go home, and don’t go to eat, and don’t play with yourself. It wouldn’t look nice on my highway.Buford T.
Justice: Now, you can THINK about it… but don’t do it!

Just keep your eye out for that Mr. Bandit b*st*rd!

Buford T.
Justice: Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum’s pecker.
Junior: Except for that…Buford T.
Justice: Shut your *ss.

Oh I love your suits. It must have been a b*tch to get a 68 Extra Fat and a 12 Dwarf.

Duck, or you’ll be talkin’ out your *ss.

Cledus Snow: Atlanta to Texarkana and back in twenty eight hours? That ain’t never been done before.
Bandit: That’s cause *we* ain’t never done it.
Cledus Snow: Suppose we don’t make it?
Bandit: Hey, we ain’t never not made it before, have we?

Waynette Snow: No, Bandit! Not this time! Cledus is not goin’ with you! He got in enough trouble last time! Dammit, Bandit, look at me when I’m talking to you!
Bandit: I find it hard to look at you, Waynette. With all those curlers in your hair, you look like you’re tryin’ to pick up a radio station in Savannah.

Carrie: Don’t you ever take off that stupid hat?
Bandit: I take my hat off for one thing, one thing only.
Carrie: Oh…
Carrie: Take your hat off.
Carrie: I mean, If you want to…
Bandit: I want to.

Gimme $500 on the Bandit.

There’s no way, no WAY that you came from my loins.

Buford T.
Justice: You want something?
Junior: Hush puppies, daddy.Buford T.
Justice: We don’t got time for that crap! Dumb sumbitch!

I think I’m in love with your belt buckle.

There is no way, NO way that you came from my loins. The first thing I’m gonna do when I get home is punch your momma in the mouth.

Bandit: What the hell was that?
Carrie: A left. Or a half a U.

Bandit: I’m goin’ to need a fast car.
Bandit: Faster than that.
Little Enos: I’d like to kick his *ss just one time.

Bandit: What do you think they do for excitement in this town?
Cledus Snow: Probably sit around and watch the cars rust.

That’s an attention-getter.

What we’re dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.

(To Victor, after he calls her “Miss Everglot) Perhaps, in view of the circumstances…you could call me Victoria. *smiles*

But she knows she has a curse on her,
a curse she cannot win.
for if someone gets too close to her,

the pins stick further in.

Visions are worth fighting for. Why spend your life making someone else’s dreams?

When you’re talking about Tim Burton, you’re talking about a guy that has such a visual sense, an aesthetic, a storytelling style. It’s like he’s got his own genre.

I am definitely a Tim Burton fan. I had seen ‘Edward Scissorhands’ enough times to know it by heart. That’s exciting: to work on something you feel like you really get.

I’ve always been more comfortable making my decisions from the subconscious level, or more emotionally, because I find it is more truthful to me; Intellectually, I don’t think like that because I get uncomfortable.

Tim Burton is an artist who has had a huge influence on me. I definitely share his sensibility. It’s a joyful approach to darkness.

I try not to go back in retrospect and say oh, I shouldn’t have done this or shouldn’t have done that. You make your decisions and you live by them.

I am not a big technology person. I don’t go on the Internet really much at all. Drawing is like a zen thing; it’s private, which in this day and age is harder to come by.

It’s hard to find logic in things sometimes. That’s why I can’t analyze things too much, because it often doesn’t make much sense.

I don’t know what it was, maybe the movie theaters in my immediate surrounding neighbourhood in Burbank, but I never saw what would be considered A movies.

My diagnosis,” he said
“for better or worse,
is that your son is the result
of an old pharaoh’s curse.

It’s good as an artist to always remember to see things in a new, weird way.

I was a bride. My dreams were taken from me. But now – now I’ve stolen them from someone else. I love you, Victor, but you are not mine.

When I’m done with my last album, I want to make a movie with Tim Burton telling the story of all of the albums connected. That’s my biggest dream.

*crawls out from underneath table, after all the dead people interrupt the wedding reception* That’s it. We’re going to take whatever money we can and get out of here.

I thought ‘Charlie And The Chocolate Factory’ was terrible. I’m a big fan of Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, so I don’t know what went wrong with that.

When you’re making a movie, it’s a very interiorised world.

Stick boy liked match girl,
he liked her a lot.
he liked her cute figure,
he thought she was hot.

but could a flame ever burn
for a match and a stick?
it did quite literally;
he burned up quick.

I’ve worked with Tim Burton five times, and it’s just like being part of a family; life doesn’t get much better than that.

Don’t worry about how you ‘should’ draw it. Just draw it the way you see it.

When I was a kid I always wanted to be a mad scientist. I don’t know… a regular scientist just was no one.

Most people say about graveyards: “Oh, it’s just a bunch of dead people. It’s creepy.” But for me, there’s an energy to it that it not creepy, or dark. It has a positive sense to it.

If I hadn’t just been sitting in it, I’d say you’ve lost your mind.

I went and met with Tim Burton for the role of Batman. But I just couldn’t really take it seriously; any man who wears his underpants outside his pants just cannot be taken seriously.

I was a big fan of the Tim Burton films. I really liked the character. And I remember thinking the Batmobile was very cool.

Isn’t the view beautiful? It takes my breath away. Well, it would if I had any.

I did some sports. It was a bit frustrating. I wasn’t the greatest sports person.

I’m a happy-go-lucky manic-depressive. It does get very deep and dark for me, and it gets scary at times when I feel I can’t pull out of it. But I don’t consider myself negative-negative. I’m positive-negative.

I don’t consider ‘American Rose’ to be a biography so much as a microcosm of 20th-century America, told through Gypsy’s tumultuous life – it’s ‘Horatio Alger meets Tim Burton.’

When I was growing up, Dr. Seuss was really my favorite. There was something about the lyrical nature and the simplicity of his work that really hit me.

From that moment on, batman returns was destined to become what it ultimately turned out to be: un film de tim burton…with batman in it.

Anybody with artistic ambitions is always trying to reconnect with the way they saw things as a child.

Son, are you happy?
i don’t mean to pry,
but do you dream of heaven?
have you ever wanted to die?.

Mad matter: “have I gone mad?”
alice: “i’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But i’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

My favorite movies are from directors that have a vision, like Wes Anderson or Tim Burton.

I never saw Frankenstein or King Kong or the Creature from the Black Lagoon as bad guys. They were the good guys.

I’m being photographed, worrying about my hair – and yet here I am, I’ve directed a feature film, why do I care about the way I look? Who cares? Does Tim Burton care? Does Joel Coen?

I’ve always been misrepresented. You know, I could dress in a clown costume and laugh with the happy people but they’d still say i’m a dark personality.

I always wonder why some people see things as weird and some people don’t.

I like the challenge of doing things you know that you maybe shouldn’t do.

I’m gonna go live in a cave, just completely live in my interior world.

How many chances to you get to make a musical about a serial killer? The minute Tim Burton approached me, I was in.

Johnny Depp is somebody I really love working with because he doesn’t care how he looks. He wants to become weird characters and I like that.

I was very lucky because Tim Burton really gave me a career. I don’t think Hollywood would’ve known what to do with me. If I hadn’t done ‘Beetlejuice,’ I think I would’ve just gone back to my school.

I think a lot of kids feel alone and slightly isolated and in their own world.

Everything in this room is edible. Even i’m edible. But, that would be called canibalism. It is looked down upon in most societies.

Tim also has enough confidence so that it always looks like a Tim Burton film, but it really is collaborative. You’re allowed to do it your way but of course he’s always going to choose his way.

But first! A toast, to Emily. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride! Tell me my dear, can a heart still break once it’s stopped beating?

If youve ever had that feeling of loneliness, of being an outsider, it never quite leaves you. You can be happy or successful or whatever, but that thing still stays within you.

They took a baseball bat
and whacked open his head.
mummy boy fell to the ground;
he finally was dead.
inside of his head
were no candy or prizes,
just a few stray beetles
of various sizes.

I’ve got a… I’ve got a dwarf, and I’m not afraid to use him!

Whenever anybody asked me, ‘Who is your number one director to work with?’ I would always say Tim Burton.

You’re entirely bonkers. But i’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

I was betrothed, once along time ago but tragedy bestowed my love.

I get so tired of people saying, ‘Oh, you only make fantasy films and this and that’, and I’m like, ‘Well no, fantasy is reality’, that’s what Lewis Carroll showed in his work.

First of all, you make a movie that you want to see and then you just hope for the best.

Live people ignore the strange and unusual. I myself, am strange and unusual.

My name is jimmy,
but my friends just call me
the hideous penguin boy.

There are not many A-list directors who get to make the movies they want to make. I know two: Woody Allen and Tim Burton. Two different textures, but both get to do what they want, and that’s rare.

Maybe it’s just in America, but it seems that if you’re passionate about something, it freaks people out. You’re considered bizarre or eccentric. To me, it just means you know who you are.

[Bonejangles creeps up behind Finnis; his eye falls into Finnis’ bowl] There’s an eye in me soup.

It’s great when you know somebody and they keep surprising you.

I spent so long in the darkness….I’d almost forgotten how beautiful the moonlight is!

But she knows she has a curse on her, a curse she cannot win. For if someone gets too close to her, the pins stick further in.

There’s something quite exciting when you have a history with somebody and you see them do new and different things.

A lot of things you see as a child remain with you… you spend a lot of your life trying to recapture the experience.

Die, die, we all pass away. Don’t wear a frown ’cause it’s really okay. You might try and hide, and you might and pray, but we all end up the remains of the day.

These last few years, working with Tim Burton, it’s been the best time I’ve ever had.

I can’t remember any dreams in my life. There’s so much strange in real life that it often seems like a dream.

It’s true, Victor married a dead woman! I saw her. We need to save him.

What a story it is. A tragic tale of romance, passion, and murder most foul.

I’ve found that the people who play villains are the nicest people in the world and people who play heroes are jerks.

When you’re on film or TV, essentially you’re in front of the camera. Unless it’s a Tim Burton thing, the desire is to be real and grounded.

I always had trouble with the bruce wayne in the comic book,” burton said. “i mean, if this guy is so handsome, so rich, and so strong, why the f*ck is he putting on a batsuit?.

I never really consider myself as a great artist. I just always like to draw.

I would love to work with Tim Burton. I think we would be very good together.

Son, are you happy? I don’t mean to pry, but do you dream of Heaven? Have you ever wanted to die?

I was never interested in what everybody else was interested in. I was very interiorized. I always felt kind of sad.

I never really got nightmares from movies. In fact, I recall my father saying when I was three years old that I would be scared, but I never was.

And I jack, the pumpkin king, have grown so tired of the same old thing…

Oh, Hildegarde, what if….what if Victor and I don’t….like each other?

I am the shadow on the moon at night/Filling your dreams to the brim with fright.

Excuse me. You don’t know me, but I used to live in your dead mother.

People told me I couldn’t kill nicholson, so I cast him in two roles and killed him off twice.

Callahan, I don’t want anymore trouble like you had in the Fillmore district. Understand? That’s my policy.

Harry Callahan: What’s that for?
Doctor: I’m going to cut open your trousers.
Harry Callahan: Save it. I’ll take ’em off.
Doctor: That’s gonna hurt.
Harry Callahan: For $29,50… let it hurt.

Couldn’t of happened to a nicer bunch of guys.

De Georgio: Illegal entry, no warrant.
Callahan: Looks like we climb.
De Georgio: Uh-uh. Too much linguine. I’ll find another way.

Harry Callahan: Well, when an adult male is chasing a female with intent to commit rape, I shoot the b*st*rd. That’s my policy.
The Mayor: Intent? How did you establish that?
Harry Callahan: When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher’s knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn’t out collecting for the Red Cross!
The Mayor: He’s got a point.

A man’s got to know his limitations.

Harry Callahan: You know, you’re crazy if you think you’ve heard the last of this guy. He’s gonna kill again.
District Attorney Rothko: How do you know?
Harry Callahan: ‘Cause he likes it.

You’ve got to ask yourself a question: ‘do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?

Doctor: Sure, Harry. We can save the leg. [takes out some scissors]
Callahan: What are you going to do with those?
Doctor: Going to cut your pants off.
Callahan: No. I’ll take them off.
Doctor: It’ll hurt.
Callahan: For $29.50, let it hurt. You can turn your back if you’re embarrassed …

Chief: Have you been following that man?
Harry Callahan: Yeah, I’ve been following him on my own time. And anybody can tell I didn’t do that to him.
Chief: How?
Harry Callahan: Cause he looks too damn good, that’s how!

I know what you’re thinking. ‘Did he fire six shots or only five’? Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, i kind of lost track myself. But being that this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well do ya, punk?

Harry Callahan: There must be something you can get him on.
Appellate Court Judge Bannerman: Without the evidence of the gun and the girl, I couldn’t convict him of spitting on the sidewalk.

Gonzalez: [about quitting the force] I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it. I have a teaching credential and I figure, what for, you know?[pause]Gonzalez’
s wife: I thought I could take it … Whatever it takes to be a cop’s wife, I’m just not sure I’m making it. He really tries and these bastards, you know, Pig this, Pig that. Ah, but maybe it’s when I watch him walk out that door at night, and I think, what if this is the last time I ever see him again … doesn’t it drive your wife crazy?
Callahan: Nope.Gonzalez’
s wife: You mean she got used to it.
Callahan: No, she never did really.Gonzalez’
s wife: Well, what then?
Callahan: She’s dead.Gonzalez’
s wife: Oh, please forgive me.
Callahan: She was driving home late one night and a drunk crossed the center line. There was no reason for it, really.Gonzalez’
s wife: I’m so sorry.
Callahan: That’s o.k. Look, I want you to tell Chico that I understand, you know, him quitting. I-I think he’s right. This is no life for you two.Gonzalez’
s wife: Why do you stay in it then?
Callahan: I don’t know, I really don’t.

District Attorney Rothko: You’re lucky I’m not indicting you for assault with intent to commit murder.
Harry Callahan: What?
District Attorney Rothko: Where the hell does it say that you’ve got a right to kick down doors, torture suspects, deny medical attention and legal counsel? Where have you been? Does Escobedo ring a bell? Miranda? I mean, you must have heard of the Fourth Amendment. What I’m saying is that man had rights.
Harry Callahan: Well, I’m all broken up over that man’s rights!

Mayor: All right, let’s have it.Insp.
Harry Callahan: Have what?
Mayor: Your report. What have you been doing?Insp.
Harry Callahan: Oh, well for the past three quarters of an hour, I have been sitting on my *ss in your outer office, waiting on you.Lt.
Al Bressler: Dammit all, Harry, that’s the Mayor you’re talking to! …
Mayor: Won’t you sit down Inspector Callahan? … There’s a madman loose, I’ve asked you what’s being done, fair enough?Insp.
Harry Callahan: We’ve got a dozen men checking identification files, checking on all known extortionists, roof top prowlers, rifle nuts, peepers..Lt.
Al Bressler: Mr. Mayor — we’ve arranged for rooftop surveillance and helicopter patrols especially around the Catholic churches and schools and in the black areas.Insp.
Harry Callahan: Ballistics is checking on the slug. We’re pretty sure it’s a .30-06, seven lands and grooves, right-hand twist …Lt.
Al Bressler: Sir — we’re running a computer check on everybody in the files whose birthday falls between October 23rd and November 21st.
Mayor: Why?Insp.
Harry Callahan: Natives of Scorpio.
Mayor: Thank you Inspector. Have any of you mentioned this note to anyone? How about you? (looking at Callahan)Insp.
Harry Callahan: Nobody.
Mayor: Your wife, sweetheart, … press?Insp.
Harry Callahan: Nobody.
Mayor: All right. Give the message to the Chronicle. We’ll agree to pay, but we’ll tell him we need time to get the money together.Insp.
Harry Callahan: Wait a minute. Do I get this right? You’re gonna play this creep’s game?
Mayor: It’ll get us more breathing space.Insp.
Harry Callahan: It also might get somebody killed. Why don’t you let me meet with the son-of-a-b*tch?
Chief: No, none of that. You’d end up with a real blood-bath.
Mayor: I agree with the Chief. We’ll do it this way, all right?Lt.
Al Bressler: Thank you Mr. Mayor. Come on Callahan, let’s go.
Mayor: (calls out) Callahan.Insp.
Harry Callahan: Sir?
Mayor: I don’t want any more trouble like you had last year in the Fillmore District. Understand? That’s my policy.Insp.
Harry Callahan: Yeah, well, when an adult male is chasing a female with intent to commit rape, I shoot the b*st*rd; that’s my policy.
Mayor: Intent? How did you establish that?Insp.
Harry Callahan: When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn’t out collecting for the Red Cross.
Mayor: [after Callahan has left] I think he’s got a point.

People are guilty until proven… I mean… God damn it, you know what I mean!

Harry Callahan: You heroes killed a dozen people this week. What are you going to do next week?
Officer Davis: Kill a dozen more.

Go ahead. Make my day.

Callahan: These loonies. They ought to throw a net over the whole bunch of ’em.
Gonzales: I know what you mean.

Scorpio: [singing] Row, row, row your boat/gently down the stream/merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily …
Bus Kid: Where are we going?
Scorpio: What? What did you say?
Bus Kid: Where are we going?
Scorpio: We’re going to the ice-cream factory and see how ice-cream’s made. Now anybody who doesn’t wanna go can get off right here.
Bus Kid: I wanna go home to my mommy.
Scorpio: [slaps the kid] Stupid kid! Come on sing everyone! Sing or I’ll go home and kill all your mommies, sing, sing!

[After shooting several of the bank-robbers and stopping their getaway car by shooting the driver, Inspector Callahan approaches the front steps of the bank. The bank robber that Callahan shot first, wounding him and forcing him to drop his shotgun, now makes an effort to retrieve it. He pauses as he sees Callahan approach, aiming his revolver.]
Callahan: I know what you’
re thinking: “Did he fire six shots or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I’ve kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’
ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel lucky?’ Well, do you, punk?[The thief gives up trying to retrieve his shotgun; Callahan picks it up and starts to walk away, lowering the hammer.]
Thief: Hey! [Callahan turns around] I gots to know…[Callahan recocks and aims his revolver and pulls the trigger, but the gun just clicks on an empty chamber, and he grins, laughs, and walks away.]
Thief: Son of a b*tch…

The Mayor: Well let’s have it.
Harry Callahan: Have what?
The Mayor: A report! What have you been doing?
Harry Callahan: Well, for the past three quarters of an hour I’ve been sitting on my *ss in your outer office waiting on you!

Gonzales: Why do they call ya “Dirty Harry”?
De Georgio: That’s one thing about our Harry, he doesn’t play any favorites. Harry hates everybody. Limeys, Micks, Hebes, Niggers, Honkies, Fat Dagos, Chinks, you name it.
Gonzales: How does he feel about Mexicans?
De Georgio: Ask him.
Callahan:(says with a wink) Especially Spics.

Lieutenant Briggs: You’re on loan to Stakeout, Callahan.
Harry Callahan: That’s right, Lieutenant! You saw to that.

Pedestrian: Hey, fruitcake, what do you think you’re doing?
Callahan: Get the hell out of the way, hammerhead.

Thug 1: What’s in the bag, man?
Callahan: You dudes get lost now, ya hear?
Thug 2: Screw the bag.
Thug 3: Yeah, just give us the wallet now.(Harry clubs the third thug with the bag, then kicks their pal in the face, then pulls his gun on the first thug)
Callahan: (seething in desperation) You don’t listen too good, do ya, asshole?

Harry Callahan: Well, I just work for the city, Briggs!
Lieutenant Briggs: So do I, longer than you, and I never had to take my gun out of its holster once. I’m proud of that.

Harry Callahan: Where’s the girl?
The Killer: You tried to kill me!
Harry Callahan: If I tried to do that your head would be splattered all over this field – now WHERE’S THE GIRL?

You’ve Got To Ask Yourself One Question: ‘Do I Feel Lucky?’ Well, Do Ya, Punk?

De Georgio: You need any help?
Callahan: Go on out and get some air, fatso.
De Georgio: You’re the boss.
Scorpio: (bleeding through his leg from a bullet wound) Please no more, I’m hurt, can’t you see I’m hurt? You shot me, please don’t, don’t! Let me have a doctor … Please give me the doctor, don’t kill me!
Callahan: The girl, where is she?
Scorpio: You tried to kill me!
Callahan: If I tried that, your head’d be splattered all over this field. Now where’s the girl?
Scorpio: I want a lawyer!
Callahan: I said, where’s the girl?
Scorpio: I have the right for a lawyer.
Callahan: Where’s the girl?
Scorpio: I have the right for a lawyer, don’t shoot me, I have rights, want a lawyer…….(now whimpers in pain as Harry steps on his injury, causing still more suffering)

Walter,
Crime Scene Investigator: Now, he’d have to be standing right here, this close. Point-blank range.
Harry Callahan: The driver’s license and a hundred dollar bill were out, almost like he was showing it to a traffic cop.Walter,
Crime Scene Investigator: Yeah. And from what we have it figures to be someone impersonating a police officer. On the cars at least, it’s been done before. This close it would have to be someone he would never recognize.
Harry Callahan: Or never suspect.

Lieutenant Briggs: Suppose they panic and start shooting?
Harry Callahan: Nothing wrong with shooting as long as the right people get shot!

[Harry visits his favorite diner]Insp.
Harry Callahan: Hey there, Jaffe; the usual.
Jaffe: The usual lunch or the usual dinner?Insp.
Harry Callahan: Well, what difference does that make?
Jaffe: Not much.[long pause]Insp.
Harry Callahan: Say Jaffe, is that tan Ford still parked across in front of the bank?
Jaffe: Tan Ford … Mmm mmm yeah. Tan Ford.Insp.
Harry Callahan: Engine running?
Jaffe: I don’t know. How can I tell?Insp.
Harry Callahan: Exhaust fumes coming out of the tailpipe.
Jaffe: Oh my God, that’s awful! Look at all that pollution.Insp.
Harry Callahan: Yeah. Do me a favor. [gives him slip of paper] Call this telephone number.
Jaffe: Police department?Insp.
Harry Callahan: Yeah. Tell them Inspector Callahan thinks there’s a 2-11 in progress at the bank. Be sure and tell them that’s in progress.
Jaffe: In progress. Yes sir.[goes to phone and starts dialing]Insp.
Harry Callahan: Now, if they’ll just wait for the cavalry to arrive. [immediately, an alarm bell goes off and a gunshot is heard] Ah, sh*t!

Harry Callahan: I know what you’re thinking. “Did he fire six shots or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’
ve got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

Harry Callahan: You know those guys?
Early Smith: They came through the Academy after me. They stick together like flypaper, you know? Everybody thought they were queer for each other.
Harry Callahan: Tell you something. If the rest of you could shoot like them, I wouldn’t care if the whole damn department was queer.

Callahan: I’m Callahan.
Young Man: My friends call me Alice, but I’ll take a dare.
Callahan: Well, Alice, when was the last time you were busted?
Young Man: If you’re vice, I’ll kill myself.
Callahan: Well, do it at home!

[The Scorpio Killer holds an innocent kid hostage at the edge of a cliff]
Scorpio: Drop the gun, creep![Callahan approaches Scorpio as the latter laughs manically]
Scorpio: I’ll blow his brains out! [continues laughing manically][Callahan approaches Scorpio, .44 Magnum in hand]
Scorpio: Drop the f*cking gun![Callahan pretends to drop his gun, only to fire it at Scorpio, who lets the kid go. Callahan then approaches the wounded Scorpio and points the gun at Scorpio, who is about to retrieve his]
Callahan: I know what you’re thinking, punk. You’re thinking “Did he fire six shots or only five?” Now, to tell you the truth, I’ve forgotten myself in all this excitement. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and it will blow your head clean off, you’
ve gotta ask yourself a question: ‘Do I feel lucky?[Scorpio attempts to stand and grab his gun]
Callahan: Well, do ya, punk?[Scorpio laughs maniacally and retrieves his gun in an attempt to shoot Callahan, only to be shot in the head and get killed]

Mayor: (on phone) The jet must be fueled and ready to go in a half an hour. Skeleton crew, they must be volunteers. Tell them the man is dangerous. Well, here, I’ll read you this note which was delivered at eight o’
clock this morning: “To the City of San Francisco. You have double-crossed me for the last time. I’m warning you to have my $200,000 in a jet airplane ready and waiting. I will call Mayor’s office at one o’clock and tell you about the hostages who I will be happy to kill if you don’t do exactly what I say, Scorpio” (pauses) Well, you better have somebody standing by — it could be a false alarm but don’t count on it.

Briggs, I hate the damn system, but until someone comes along with changes that make sense, I’ll stick with it.

Scorpio: It’s very simple. I’ve got the kids and you start screwing around, the kids start dying. Is the plane ready?
Mayor: The jet is being fueled and ready to go at the airport. The money will be there by the time you get there.
Scorpio: All right, now listen and listen very carefully. I’m going to be driving along nice and easy, just me and a bus load of kids. I’m going to turn off on the Sir Francis Drake Blvd. on my way to the Santa Rosa Airport. I don’t want to see any police cars, helicopters, whatever. Now if you got the guts to play this game by the rules, the kids will have a nice little plane ride.
Mayor: Well, where are you going?
Scorpio: I’ll tell the pilot when I get on the plane. No alerts, nothin’.
Mayor: I guarantee you you will not be molested in any way. I give you my word of honor on it.

Chief: Callahan? — you willing to take the money to him?
Callahan: When are you people gonna stop messing around with this guy. He’s gotta be stopped now.
Mayor: He’s got a bus load of kids and I can’t take that chance. I gave my word of honor on it, and he will not be molested — and that’s a direct order, Callahan!
Callahan: Well, you can just get yourself another delivery boy.

De Georgio: Harry hates everybody. Limeys, Micks, Hebes, Fat Dagos, N*ggers, Honkies, Chinks, you name it.
Gonzales: How does he feel about Mexicans?
De Georgio: Ask him.
Harry Callahan: Especially Spics.

Harry Callahan: Are you trying to tell me that Ballistics can’t match the bullet up to this rifle?
District Attorney Rothko: It does not matter what Ballistics can do. This rifle might make a nice souvenir. But it’s inadmissible as evidence.
Harry Callahan: And who says that?
District Attorney Rothko: It’s the law.
Harry Callahan: Well, then the law is crazy.

District Attorney: I’ve just been looking over your arrest report. A very unusual piece of police work. Really amazing.
Callahan: Yeah, well I had some luck.
District Attorney: You’re lucky I’m not indicting you for assault with intent to commit murder.
Callahan: What?!
District Attorney: Where the hell does it say you’ve got a right to kick down doors, torture suspects, deny medical attention and legal counsel. Where have you been? Does Escobedo ring a bell? Miranda? I mean, you must have heard of the Fourth Amendment. What I’m saying is, that man had rights.
Callahan: Well, I’m all “broken up” about that man’s rights.
District Attorney: You should be. I’ve got news for you, Callahan. As soon as he’s well enough to leave the hospital, he walks.
Callahan: What are you talking about?
District Attorney: He’s free.
Callahan: You mean you’re letting him go?
District Attorney: We have to, we can’t try him.
Callahan: And why is that?
District Attorney: Because I’m not wasting a half a million dollars of the taxpayer’s money on a trial we can’t possibly win. The problem is, we don’t have any evidence.
Callahan: Evidence? What the hell do you call that? [He gestures toward Scorpio’s weapon]
District Attorney: I call it nothing, zero.
Callahan: Are you trying to tell me that Ballistics can’t match the bullet up to this rifle?
District Attorney: It does not matter what Ballistics can do. This rifle might make a nice souvenir. But it’s inadmissible as evidence.
Callahan: And who says that?
District Attorney: It’s the law.
Callahan: Well then, the law is crazy!
District Attorney: This is Judge Bannerman of the appellate court. He also holds classes in Constitutional Law in Berkeley. I’ve asked him for an opinion — your Honor?
Judge Bannerman: Well, in my opinion, the search of the suspect’s quarters was illegal. Evidence obtained thereby, such as that hunting rifle, for instance, is inadmissible in court. You should have gotten a search warrant. I’m sorry, but it’s that simple.
Callahan: Search warrant!? There was a girl dying.
District Attorney: She was in fact dead according to the medical report.
Callahan: But I didn’t know that.
Judge: The court would have to recognize the police officer’s legitimate concern for the girl’s life, but there is no way they can possibly condone police torture. All evidence concerning the girl — the suspect’s confession, all physical evidence — would have to be excluded.
Callahan: (sighs) There must be something you can get him on.
Judge: Without the evidence of the gun and the girl, (half chuckles) I couldn’t convict him of spitting on the sidewalk. No, the suspect’s rights were violated, under the Fourth and Fifth and probably the Sixth and Fourteenth Amendments.
Callahan: And Anne Marie Deacon, what about her rights? I mean, she’s raped and left in a hole to die. Who speaks for her?
District Attorney: The District Attorney’s office, if you’ll let us. I’ve got a wife and three kids. I don’t want him on the streets any more than you do.
Callahan: Well, he won’t be out there long.
District Attorney: What is that supposed to mean?
Callahan: I mean sooner or later he’s gonna stub his toe and then I’ll be right there.
District Attorney: This office won’t stand for any harassment.
Callahan: You know, you’re crazy if you think you’ve heard the last of this guy. He’s gonna kill again.
District Attorney: How do you know?
Callahan: ‘Cause he likes it.

God isn’t going to scribble across the sky. “the shark is gone.

Ellen
Brody: Wanna get drunk and fool around?
Brody: Oh Yeah.

I don’t think either one of you are familiar with our problems!

Hooper ladled chum, which sounded to brody, every time it hit the water, like diarrhea.

Here’s to swimmin’ with bow legged women

I know a taxidermy man back home. He gonna have a heart attack when he see what I brung him.

Odds might be good, but the stakes were prohibitively high. He.

Smile you son of a.. (shoots the scuba tank in the shark’s mouth, the tank explodes and the shark is blown to pieces, laughs manically)

Intellectually, they knew a great deal. Practically, they chose to know almost nothing.

Mayor Vaughn: Any special questions?
Denherder: Uh, is that $3000 bounty on the shark in cash or check?Mrs.
Taft: I don’t think that’s funny. I don’t think that’s funny at all, I’m sorry.

Here lies the body of Mary Lee. Died at the of age of a hundred and three. For fifteen years she kept her virginity; not a bad record for this vicinity.

Well, this is not a boat accident! And it wasn’t any propeller; and it wasn’t any coral reef; and it wasn’t Jack the Ripper! It was a shark.

You go in the cage, cage goes in the water, you go in the water. Shark’s in the water, our shark.

I’m chief of police, I can do anything…

Well it proves one thing, Mr. Hooper. It proves that you wealthy college boys don’t have the education enough to admit when you’re wrong. [Quint enters the cabin as Hooper makes faces at him]

Brody: On the water?
Hooper: Well, if we’re looking for a shark we’re not gonna find it on the land.

The great fish moved silently through the night water.

It’s only an island if you look at it from the water.

There’s nothing in the sea this fish would fear. Other fish run from bigger things. That’s their instinct. But this fish doesn’t run from anything. He doesn’t fear.

Mr. Vaughan, what we are dealing with here is a perfect engine, an eating machine. It’s really a miracle of evolution. All this machine does is swim and eat and make little sharks and that’s all.

The past always seems better when you look back on it than it did at the time. And the present never looks as good as it will in the future.

This is the story of Mary McGee, lived to the age of 103. For 50 years she kept her virginity, not a bad record for this vicinity.

Hooper ya idiot. Starboard. Aint you watchin’ it?

Front, bow. Back, stern. If ya don’t get it right, squirt, I throw your *ss out the little round window on the side.

arewell and adieu to you, fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu, you ladies of Spain. For we’ve received orders for to sail back to Boston. And so nevermore shall we see you again.

This shark, swallow you whole.

A quick, sharp laugh from quint broke the thread of tension. “what a pair of
assholes,” he said. “i seen that coming since you came aboard this morning.

I can do anything; I’m the chief of police.

Quint: You’ve got city boy hands, Hooper. You been countin’ money all your life.
Hooper: I don’t need this working-class-hero crap.

Carcharadon carcharias. Six thousand
pounds of muscle powering a hoop
of butcher’s knives. The only animal
that ate its weaker siblings in the womb.
immune from cancer. Constantly awake.

Boys, oh boys… I think he’s come back for his noon feeding.

To become a better you, secure your dreams from the jaws of people who discredit your ambitions.

I’m not going to waste my time arguing with a man who’s lining up to be a hot lunch.

Hooper: That’s a twenty footer.
Quint: Twenty-five. Three tons of him.

Any weapon’s only as good as the man using it, and a good man can make a good weapon out of most anything.

The thing about a shark, it’s got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When it comes at you it doesn’t seem to be livin’… until he bites you, and those black eyes roll over white.

Mayor Vaughn: What kind of a shark did you say it was?
Hooper: Carcaradon carcharias. A Great White.

Is it true that most people get attacked by sharks in three feet of water about ten feet from the beach?

Jaws 4 is so bad it makes jaws 3 look like jaws 2.

The tide is with us today.”(after the death of the shark and as they are paddling to shore)

ha,ha-they’re all gonna die.

“Slow ahead.” I can go slow ahead. Come on down here and chum some of this sh*t.

It proves that you wealthy college boys don’t have the education enough to admit you’re wrong.

[In shock to the shark’s abilities] Ever had one do this before?

Here lies the body of Mary Lee; died at the age of a hundred and three. For fifteen years she kept her viginity; not a bad record for this vicinity.

Mikey sure enjoyed his present.

Promises are meant to be broken, n so are the jaws of those who say so…

Doctor, I can’t come to Brisbane when I’ve a Great White shark problem!

Mr. Vaughan, what we are dealing with here is a perfect engine, er… an eating machine. It’s really a miracle of evolution. All this machine does is swim and eat and make little sharks and that’s all.

Sharks are like ax-murderers, martin. People react to them with their guts. There’s something crazy and evil and uncontrollable about them.

One of the few advantages man has over other animals is the ability to choose the way to bring on his own death. Food may well kill me, but it’s also what has made life such a pleasure.

(After light on Orca goes out) He ate the light!

We have caught and killed a large predator that supposedly injured some bathers.

[On radio] Your husband’s all right, Mrs. Brody. He’s fishing. He’s just caught a couple of stripers. We’ll bring ’em in for dinner. We won’t be long, we haven’t seen anything yet. Over and out.

The fish might well have disappeared already, but brody wasn’t willing to gamble lives on the possibility: the odds might be good, but the stakes were prohibitively high.

He felt at once betrayed and betrayer, deceived and deceiver. He was a criminal forced into crime, an unwilling whore.

[singing] Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu to you ladies of Spain. For we’ve received orders for to sail back to Boston. And so never more shall we see you again.

Slow ahead…I can go slow ahead! Why don’t you come down here and chum of this sh*t?!

(handing Sean to Ellen) Wanna take him home?

What had once seemed shallow and tedious now loomed in memory like paradise.

Now fellas. This is not the time or the place to perform some kind of a half *ss autopsy on a fish. And I’m not going to stand here, and see that thing cut open and see that little Kitner boy spill out all over the dock!

The fish was an enemy. It had come upon the community and killed two men, a woman, and a child. The people of amity would demand the death of the fish. They would need to see it dead before they could feel secure enough to resume their normal lives.

Life’s full of chances to hurt yourself or someone else.

Look, chief, you can’t go off half-cocked looking for vengeance against a fish. That shark isn’t evil. It’s not a murderer. It’s just obeying its own instincts. Trying to get retribution against a fish is crazy.

I think we need a bigger boat!

What am I gonna tell the kids?

[voice imitating W. C. Fields] I don’t have to take this abuse much longer!

Martin, it’s all psychological. You yell “barracuda”, everybody says, “Huh? What?” You yell “shark”, we’ve got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July.

YOU GOT ANY BETTER SUGGESTIONS?

Come here (to his son). Give me a kiss.

You’re gonna need a bigger boat!

If you have food in your jaws you have solved all questions for the time being.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…

Stop playin’ with yourself Hooper.

Beware the jabberwock, my son
the jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
beware the jubjub bird, and shun
the frumious bandersnatch!.

I’ll stuff your friggin’ head in there, man, and find out whether or not it’s a man-eater.

Wow. That’s sort of pretty. In a jaws kind of way.

Quint: I’ll drink to your leg.
Hooper: I’ll drink to your leg.
Quint: Okay, we’ll drink to our legs!

Brody: I used to hate the water.
Hooper: I can’t imagine why.

Hooper: Ah. Just like I thought… He came up with the Gulf Stream – from southern waters.
Brody: He didn’t eat a car, did he?

To fantasies’, he said. ‘tell me about yours.’ his eyes were a bright, liquid blue, and his lips were parted in a half smile.

Ever think about how much that sucks? sunday is the weekend, but it’s also a school night. Kind of ruins the whole day. Like if you get quiet enough on a sunday night, you can almost hear monday taunting you with the theme from jaws.

Smile you son of a b*tch.

I want these paint happy bastards hung up by their Buster Browns!

Back home we get a taxidermy man, he’s gonna have a heart attack when he sees what I brung him!

Grow up. You think I’m going to drink that piss just because you call me chicken? Just hand me the cup, jerk.

I say we just grow up, be adults and die.

He buried his hands in the rich velvet of her hair. “i thought i’d die for wanting you.

Veronica Sawyer: Watch it Heather, you might be digesting food there.
Heather McNamara: Yeah, where’s your urge to purge?
Heather Duke: F*** it.

The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.

Veronica Sawyer
: No, my life’s not perfect… I don’t really like my friends.J.D.
: Yeah… I don’t really like your friends either.

Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, and Ram a brain. I don’t know what it’s given me, but I have no control over myself when I’m with J.D. Are we going to prom or to hell?

Veronica Sawyer
: I just killed my best friend.J.D.
: And your worst enemy.
Veronica Sawyer
: Same difference.

I love your hills and I love your dales, And I love your flocks a-bleating; but oh, on the heather to lie together, With both our hearts a-beating!

If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn’t be a human being. You’d be a game show host.

Tomorrow, I’ll be kissing her aerobicized *ss, but tonight, let me dream of a world without Heather, a world where I am free.

Heather McNamara: God, aren’t they fed yet? Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?
Veronica Sawyer: Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians… Tator Tots. It’s a real party continent.

Now I’ve seen a lot of bullsh*t… angel dust, switchblades, sexually perverse photographs involving tennis rackets.

Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast or something?

Veronica Sawyer: If everyone was jumping off bridges would you?
Heather McNamara the Cheerleader: Probably.

Even though ‘Heathers’ didn’t make a lot of money, I really was able to transition into a situation where people thought I could play an attractive role because of it.

I prayed and prayed every night, wondering if you would listen, but now that Heather is dead, I see that you understood. Praise the Lord. Hallellujah.

Society nods its head at any horror the American teenager can think to bring upon itself.

Grissom is pretty asexual. He’s not that interested in anything other than work – except for Lady Heather. She’s the closest to getting his heart of anyone.

Kurt’
s Dad
: My son’s a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.J.D.
: Wonder how he’d react if his son had a limp wrist with a pulse.

You go to the Zoo and you get lion. Then you shove a stick of dynamite up it’s butt and you and the lion die like one.

It’s one thing to want someone out of your life, but it’s another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of Liquid Drano.

You blow it tonight, girl, and it’s keggers with kids all next year.

Poor Mrs. Benefer,” Heather murmured. “Well, a nice cup of tea and she’ll be right as rain.””Oh, puh-leeze, Heather. A nice cup of tea, indeed. A nice cup of tea, two Prozac, and sleep for a week, maybe…

You wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique in school. If I wasn’t already the head of it, I’d want the same thing.

Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except for date rapes and AIDS jokes.

Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs darling.

My idea of a holiday was following my family up the hill with my pekinese, who would skip over the heather in front of me.

Courtney: If I got that money, I’d give it all to the homeless. Every cent.
Veronica Sawyer: You’re beautiful.

I wish I were a girl again, half savage and hardy, and free… Why am I so changed? I’m sure I should be myself were I once among the heather on those hills.

They’re all Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads.

J.D.
: Greetings and salutations, are you a heather?Veronica Sawyer
: No, I’m a Veronica

Heather, my love, there’s a new sheriff in town.

I have fled my country and gone to the heather.

Betty Finn was a true friend, and I traded her out for a bunch of swatch-dogs and diet-cokeheads.

Some people need different kinds of convincing than others.

I don’t like Heather Graham. She did an interview and said, ‘I didn’t want to kiss Corey; I didn’t want to catch his mononucleosis. He had a kissing disease.’

Heather McNamara: It’s your turn Heather.
Heather Chandler: No, Heather, it’s Heather’s turn. Heather?
Heather Duke: Sorry Heather.

The extreme always seems to make an impression.

I didn’t want to hear that people lived happily ever after. I wanted to know that other people suffered, too.

I never saw a moor, I never saw the sea; Yet know I how the heather looks, And what a wave must be. I never spoke with God, Nor visited in Heaven; Yet certain am I of the spot, As if a chart were given.

Veronica Sawyer: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.Veronica’
s Dad: I don’t patronize bunny rabbits.

Ah, oh, uh! I like to suck big dicks. Or, uh… Mmmm! Mmmm! I can’t get enough of ’em!

They all want me as a friend or a f***. I’m worshiped at Westerburg and I’m only a junior.

Heather Duke: Veronica, you look like hell.
Veronica Sawyer: Thanks, I just got back.

I like it. It’s got that it’s-a-cruel-world-let’s-throw-ourselves-in-the-abyss type ambience.

Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west… wait east. West! God! I sound like a f***ing psycho.

Grow up, Heather. Bulimia’s so ’87.

F*** me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?

Hidden by diaphanous clouds of mist and fog floating gracefully over vales of heather and flowing runnels, she began to dance.

Our love is God, let’s go get a Slushie.

I am permitted to travel in the corridor between sky and heather” from the poem “beyond the beacon” in terraaffirmative.

f*ck me gently with a chainsaw, do I look like Mother Teresa?

People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, “Now there’s a school that self-destructed, not because society didn’t care, but because the school was society.” Now that’s deep.

I’ve loved making movies. I feel like I’ve been so lucky because I’ve gotten to be in movies that are some of my favorites, regardless of my being in them – like ‘Heathers.’

Veronica’s Dad: g*dd*mn, will somebody tell me why I read these spy novels.

Oh for God’s sake,’ Heather said, ‘I wish you two would just go out, fail miserably as a couple, and get it over with.

Well f*** me gently with a chainsaw.

You were nothing before you met me. You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn. You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl Scout Cookie.

I prayed for the death of Heather Chandler many times and I felt bad everytime I did it but I kept doing it anyway. Now I know you understood everything. Praise Jesus, Hallelujah.

Veronica Sawyer: Heather, why can’t you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-b*tch?
Heather Duke: Because I can be.

Wow. Y’all really outdid yourselves. Looks like an elf threw up in here.

Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.

When teenagers complain that they want to be treated like human beings, it’s usually because they are being treated like human beings.

Kurt Kelly
: Hey Ram, doesn’t this cafeteria have a no fags allowed rule?J.D.
: Well, they seem to have an open door policy for assholes though don’t they?

All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.

Dear Diary, my teen-angst bullsh*t now has a body count.

Great pate, but I gotta motor if I wanna be ready for that party tonight.

I’m not immortal. I’m totally killable.” she sucked in a breath as her pitch rose. “and i’m blond. Blonds always die first.

Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is my locker combination.

So…” heather nodded slowly. “we’re still here.”
“yep. I think your team of swat guys got lost. Probably looking for their shirts.”
she made a face at him. “you’re effing hilarious.”
“i try.

I can’t believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. Course, I was coming up here to kill ya…

This isn’t just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.

People says it gets easier. People are stupid.”

-vlad.

Your day dreams are a lot better than my reality, believe me.

This is Ohio. If you don’t have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.

Heather McNamara: Suicide is a private thing.
Veronica Sawyer: You’re throwing your life away to become a statistic on U. S. f***ing A. Today; that’s about the least private thing I can think of.

Father Ripper: We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio,
know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it’s Jesus Christ, and he’s in the Book.

Whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make.

Veronica’
s Dad: Will someone tell me why I smoke these damn things?
Veronica Sawyer: Because you’re an idiot.Veronica’
s Dad: Oh yeah, that’s it.

Whether or not a teenager decides to kill themselves is the biggest decision of their life.

It’s so great to be able to talk to a girl and not have to ask “What’s your major?”. I hate that… . So, when you go to college, what subjects do you think you’ll study?

Heather Chandler: Corn Nuts!
Veronica Sawyer: Plain or BQ?
Heather Chandler: BQ!

Life is great. Chaos is great. Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.

hanging out the window, Amber blew her a kiss. a lump the size of a fist clogged Heather’s throat, while a breeze from th sea pushed her thick hair away from her face. tears trickled unchecked down her cheeks.

I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later.

You’re tearing me apart!.

An actor must interpret life, and in order to do so must be willing to accept all the experiences life has to offer. In fact, he must seek out more of life than life puts at his feet. In the short span of his lifetime, an actor must learn all there is to know, experience all there is to experience, or approach that state as closely as possible. He must be superhuman in his efforts to store away in the core of his subconscious everything that he might be called upon to use in the expression of his art.

To my way of thinking, an actor’s course is set even before he’s out of the cradle.

To grasp the full significance of life is the actor’s duty; to interpret it his problem; and to express it his dedication.

You are who you are meant to be. Dance as if no one’s watching. Love as if it’s all you know. Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today.

At times there seems to be a million ideas worth painting. However, there are days when it’s a challenge to pull any idea together. On these days I go to my studio, leaf through an art history book, and tell myself that I am part of this great tradition.

If I can keep this up and nothing interferes with my progress, one of these days I might be able to contribute something to the world.

To me, acting is the most logical way for people’s neuroses to manifest themselves, in this great need we all have to express ourselves.

Vis-à-vis vom club >leon&eddis< ... Der reinste wahnsinn! ich vernehme in der tiefe der nacht das monotone schlagen der tamburins, sinnlich und suggestiv, tätowierte körper und visionen von orgien spuken mir im hirn. Geruch nach gin und bier für neunzig cent, ich fühle eine schmerzhafte starre in mir. Ich höre, wie das publikum tobt und einer tänzerin zujubelt, die es mit ihren aufreizenden lasziven bewegungen in ihren bann zieht.. Schweiß rinnt überall an ihr herunter und die schicke gesellschaft in den ersten reihen lässt sich keinen tropfen davon entgehen. Der gipfel des widerwärtigen. Es ist halb sieben uhr früh... Die zweite schublade von unten, zu meiner linken, birgt eine kollektion suggestiver bilder. Zeichnungen und fotos. Das ist meine comedia divida... Ich würde dir gerne von schöneren dingen erzählen. Aber man muss die realität ohne illusion sehen, nicht? alles, was ich hier geschrieben habe, ist wahr. Es ist schwierig für mich. Ich fühle mich allein. Entschuldige. Ich fühle mich allein.

Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse.

There is no way to be truly great in this world. We are impaled on the crook of conditioning. A fish that is in the water has no choice that he is. Genius would have it that we swim in sand. We are fish and we drown.

The only way to make a scene realistic is to do it the way you know it would really happen.

I want to be a Texan 24 hours a day.

Only the gentle are ever really strong.

No pretendo ser el mejor. Únicamente quiero volar tan alto que nadie pueda alcanzarme. No para demostrar nada, sólo quiero llegar a donde se llega cuando entregas tu vida entera y todo lo que eres a una única cosa.

There is no way to be truly great in this world. We are all impaled on the crook of conditioning.

Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today.

When an actor plays a scene exactly the way a director orders, it isn’t acting. It’s following instructions. Anyone with the physical qualifications can do that.

I also became close to nature, and am now able to appreciate the beauty with which this world is endowed.

Remember: Life is short, break the rules

My purpose in life does not include a hankering to charm society.

I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.

I don’t want anything seventy-thirty. Fifty-fifty’s always good enough for me. I don’t want to have to give anybody seventy; I don’t want anybody to give me seventy. I want fifty.

If you’re not afraid, if you take everything you are, everything worthwhile in you and direct it at one goal, one ultimate mark, you’ve got to get there.

Racing is the only time I feel whole.

I’m a serious-minded and intense little devil – terribly gauche and so tense that I don’t see how people can stay in the same room as me. I know I couldn’t tolerate myself.

When an actor plays a scene exactly the way a director orders, it isn’t acting. It’s following instructions. Anyone with the physical qualifications can do that. So the director’s task is just that – to direct, to point the way. Then the actor takes over. And he must be allowed the space, the freedom to express himself in the role. Without that space, an actor is no more than an unthinking robot with a chest-full of push-buttons.

Am I in love? Absolutely. I’m in love with ancient philosophers, foreign painters, classic authors, and musicians who have died long ago. I’m a passionate lover. I fawn over these people. I have given them my heart and my soul. The trouble is, I’m unable to love anyone tangible. I have sacrificed a physical bond, for a metaphysical relationship. I am the ultimate idealistic lover.

I don’t have to explain anything to anybody.

I’m not going to go through life with one arm tied behind my back.

All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.

You have to dream before your dreams can come true.

Why does the eye see a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination when awake?

Being a good actor isn’t easy. Being a man is even harder. I want to be both before I’m done.

If a man can bridge the gap between life and death, if he can live on after he’s dead, then maybe he was a great man.

If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

We must look for ways to be an active force in our own lives. We must take charge of our own destinies, design a life of substance and truly begin to live our dreams.

Being an actor is the loneliest thing in the world. You are all alone with your concentration and imagination, and that’s all you have.

Whatever’s inside making me what I am, it’s like film. Film only works in the dark. Tear it all open and let in the light and you kill it.

Take it easy driving– the life you save may be mine.

Death can’t be considered because, if you’re afraid to die, there’s no room in your life to make discoveries.

The gratification comes in the doing, not in the results.

You try to be yourself, do only what you’ve always done and like to do, and right away, you’re tagged as an oddball.

I think there is only one form of greatness for man. If a man can bridge the gap between life and death. I mean, if he can live on after he has died, then maybe he was a great man. To me the only success, the only greatness, is immortality.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.

Remember: Life is short, break the rules (they were made to be broken) Forgive quickly, kiss slowly Love truly, laugh uncontrollably And never regret anything that makes you smile. The clouds are lined with silver and the glass is half full (though the answers won’t be found at the bottom) Don’t sweat the small stuff, You are who you are meant to be, Dance as if no one’s watching, Love as if it’s all you know, Dream as if you’ll live forever, Live as if you’ll die today

Man, alone, has the power to transform his thoughts into physical reality; man, alone, can dream and make his dreams come true.

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.

I can’t let in the light.it will destroy my performance like light destroys film.

A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.

I think the prime reason for existence, for living in this world is discovery.

If a man can bridge the gap between life and death,if he can live after he’s died, then maybe he was a great man. Immortality is the only true success.

An actor must interpret life, and in order to do so must be willing to accept all the experiences life has to offer. In fact, he must seek out more of life than life puts at his feet.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.

Trust and belief are two prime considerations. You must not allow yourself to be opinionated.

Studying cows, pigs and chickens can help an actor develop his character. There are a lot of things I learned from animals. One was that they couldn’t hiss or boo me.

The only greatness for man is immortality.

I’m a serious-minded and intense little devil, terribly gauche and so tense I don’t see how people stay in the same room with me. I know I wouldn’t tolerate myself.

If I had one day when I didn’t have to be all confused and didn’t have to feel that I was ashamed of everything. If I felt that I belonged someplace. You know?

Reality doesn’t have any preconceived ideas. You’ve got to learn how to smoke the cigarette, not act smoking the cigarette. You need to drink the drink, not act drinking the drink. You’ve got to do things and not show them.

How can you measure acting in inches?

The cinema is a very truthful medium because the camera doesn’t let you get away with anything. On stage, you can even loaf a little, if you’re so inclined.

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

An actor should be judged by his performance only.

It was an accident, although I’ve been involved in some kind of theatrical function or other since I was a child – in school, music, athletics. To me, acting is the most logical way for people’s neuroses to manifest themselves, in this great need we all have to express ourselves. To my way of thinking, an actor’s course is set even before he’s out of the cradle.

Sergeant, establish a recon post downstairs. Code Red, You know what to do.

I’ve set my laser from stun, to kill.

You my friend are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with star command!

We have a friend in need, and we will not rest until he is safe in Andy’s room! Now let’s move out!

Well, you see Sweet Potato, you ain’t going no where…

[to the Peas-in-a-Pod] I told you kids to stay out of my butt!

Now Woody, he’s been my pal for as long as I can remember. He’s brave, like a cowboy should be. And kind, and smart. But the thing that makes Woody special, is he’ll never give up on you… ever. He’ll be there for you, no matter what.

And there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.

so you’re bonnie? i’m andy

Hamm: Hey, why did the toys cross the road?
Buzz Lightyear: Not now Hamm.
Rex: Ooo, I love riddles! Why?
Hamm: To get to the chicken, on the other side!

You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.

According to my navi-computer, the–

YOU ARE A TOY, YOU CAN’T FLY! [Buzz’s memories]

How did I get stuck with YOU as a moving-buddy?

[imitating doctor] No one’s ever attempted a double bypass brain transplant before!

Glad I could catch the train!

I don’t believe that man has ever been to medical school.

Buzz, you’re back! You’re back!

Wait a minute…I just lit a rocket. Rockets explode!

I don’t like confrontation!

You don’t think I meant to knock Buzz out the window, do you? Potato Head?

Buzz, you’re alive! This is great, we can go home and you can explain to the others that this is just a big misunderstanding. Huh? Right, buddy?

He’s not a Space Ranger! He doesn’t fight evil or shoot lasers or fly!

Pull my string, the birthday party’s today?

You’ll be okay in the attic?

Hey Sarge what are you doing?

Let’s show our new folks where they’ll be staying.

Son of a building block! It’s Woody!

This isn’t a family it’s a prison, you’re a liar and a bully and I’d rather rot in this dumpster than go back!

Spare parts, super glue, and enoughfresh batteries to choke a Hungry-Hungry Hippo.

I think you’ve had enough tea for today Buzz, lets get you out of here-

That wasn’t flying, that was…falling with style.

You are a child’s play thing!

Ho, boy, will you take a look at all those presents? Yes, sir we’re next month’s garage sale fodder for sure!

Excuse me, I think the word you’re searching for is “Space Ranger”.

The thing that makes Woody special is: he’ll never give up on you. Ever.

To infinity… and beyond!

All right all right! If I send out the troops will you all calm down!

You are a sad, strange little man and you have my pity. Farewell.

Welcome to Sunnyside, folks.

Well hello there, I thought I heard new voices. Welcome to Sunnyside, folks.

Shut up! Just shut up, you idiot!

Buzz, I would love to see you try…of course, I’d love to see you as a crater.

Uh, Buzz, we missed the truck!

Where are your rebel friends NOW?

[to Woody]You are a sad, strange little man and you have my pity

(whispers) Another stunt like that, cowboy, you going to get us killed.

‘That’s not flying, that’s just falling with style.’

You would not believe what I have been through tonight!

Buzz? Buzz Lightyear, you’re not worried are you?

[To Lotso] Who you callin’ “Sweet Potato?!” I have over 30 accessories, and I demand respect!

YOU ARE A CHILDS PLAYTHING!!!!!!!

From now on, you must take good care of your toys. Because if you don’t we’ll find out, Sid. We toys can see everything. SO PLAY NICE!!

We’re busting out of here!

Well hello there, I’m Lots-o’-Hugging Bear, but please, call me Lotso.

You’re a toy! You aren’t the real Buzz Lightyear! You’re.. you’re an action figure! You are a child’s plaything!

He tortures toys…just for fun!

Oh Woody, we were wrong to leave you! I…I was wrong…..

Sheriff, the button, help please!

You ain’t leavin’ Sunnyside!

She’s a Barbie doll, Ken, there’s a hundred million just like her!

Extremely dangerous. Keep out of reach of children.” Cool! What am I gonna blow?

We gotta get home before Andy leaves tomorrow.

What if Andy gets another dinosaur? A mean one? I just don’t think I can take that kind of rejection!

You can’t touch me, Sheriff. I brought my attack dog with a built-in force field!

Oh, great! Now I have guilt!

You’re a piece of plastic, you were made to be thrown away.

Buzz! Mind if I squeeze next to you?

Hey, Hamm. Look, I’m picasso.

Mrs. Potato Head. Repeat. Mrs. Potato Head.

There’s a snake in my boot.

It was cold and dark. Nothing but sand and a couple Lincoln Logs

You, Are, A, Toyyyyy! You’re not the real thing. You’re an action figure. You are a child’s play thing!

Who’s your kid now, sheriff?

Hey Sarge have you seen Slinky?

[finally snapping to Buzz’s space ranger antics] You are a toy! You’re not the real Buzz Lightyear! You’re an action figure! You are a child’s plaything!

He held me, he actually held me!

I just want you to know: even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is something we do not promote on my planet.

Our mission with Andy is complete, Woody.

Ages three and up.It’s on my box.”Ages three and up.

Hey hey, come on Potato Head. If Woody says it’s all right then darn, it’s good enough for me.

(to Molly) Andy’s going to college.

You’ve got a playdate with destiny!

He smells like strawberries!

[smacking his forehead groaning] Oh no

Chubbs: Back in 1965, Sports Illustrated said I was going to be the next Arnold Palmer.
Happy Gilmore: Yeah? What happened?
Chubbs: They wouldn’t let me play on the Pro Tour anymore.
Happy Gilmore: Ah, I’m sorry. Because you’re black?
Chubbs: Hell no! Damned alligator BIT my hand off!
Happy Gilmore: OH MY GOD!
Chubbs: Yeah. tournament down in Florida. I hooked my ball in the rough down by the lake. Damned alligator just POPPED up, cut me down on my prime. He got me, but I tore one of the b*st*rd’s eyes out though. Look at that.
Happy Gilmore: You’re pretty sick, Chubbs.

Mr.
Larson: That’s two thus far, Shooter.
Shooter McGavin: Oh, you can count. Good for you.Mr.
Larson: And YOU can count, on ME, waiting for YOU in the parking lot.

Stop fraternizing with the help Gilmore. Just hit your ball… if you can find it.

Damn you people. This is golf. Not a rock concert.

I think I just killed that Mister Mister lady.

Tap tap tap it in.

Grandma: Sir, can I trouble you for a warm glass of milk? It helps me go to sleep.
Nursing Home Orderly: You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-hell-up. Now, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. Check out the name tag. You’re in my world now, grandma.

The price is wrong, b*tch.

You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.

Announcer: We haven’t seen Happy Gilmore play this badly since his first day on tour. He and Bob Barker are now dead last.
Bob Barker: I can’t believe you’re a professional golfer. I think you should be working at the snack bar.
Happy Gilmore: You better relax, Bob.
Bob Barker: There is no way that you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf.
Happy Gilmore: All right, let’s go.

McGavin: I eat pieces of sh*t like you for breakfast.
Happy: You eat pieces of sh*t for breakfast?
McGavin: No.

Mover: You hit that guy!
Happy: He shouldn’t have been standing there.

I believe that’s Mr. Gilmore’s.

Guy on Green: It’s about time!
Happy Gilmore: Yeah it is about time. I mean I just couldn’t get the ball in the hole. I *wanted* to but I just couldn’t do it.

Hey, Happy Gilmore! Come on down!

Nursing Home Orderly: Good news, everybody, we’re extending arts and crafts time by four hours today.
Elderly Woman: My fingers hurt.
Nursing Home Orderly: What’s that?
Elderly Woman: My fingers hurt.
Nursing Home Orderly: Oh, well, now your back’s gonna hurt, ’cause you just pulled landscaping duty. Anybody else’s fingers hurt?… I didn’t think so.

Thank you, Doug. You know, I saw Doug playing yesterday. And I’ve got to tell you, this guy spends more time on the sand than David Hasselhoff.

Your fingers hurt? Well now your backs gonna hurt, cause you just pulled landscaping duty. Anyone elses fingers hurt?

That Son of a b*tch. Give me my ball, come on, pop it up, you dirty b*st*rd. I swear I’m gonna… give the ball, alligator. Hey, you’ve got one eye, Chubbs. You took his hand.

Damn you people. Go back to your shanties.

You’re gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, cause you’re never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL… you jackass!

Grandma: Could I please trouble you for a warm glass of milk. It helps send me to sleep.
Orderly: You can trouble me for a warm glass of SHUT THE HELL UP!! Now you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep.

Virginia: What’s this about you breaking a rake and throwing it in the woods?
Happy Gilmore: I didn’t *break* it, I was merely testing its durability, and I *placed* it in the woods cause it’s made of wood and I thought he should be with his family.

Happy Gilmore: That guy’s driving me crazy.
Bob Barker: You know what’s driving me crazy? You not getting the ball in the hole!
Happy Gilmore: Don’t push me, Bob. Now’s not the time!

You’re gonna need a blanket and suntan lotion, cause you’re never gonna get off that beach, just like the way you never got into the NHL, ya JACKASS.

Virginia:
What the hell is going on hereHappy Gilmore: Erm… I was just looking for the other half of this bottle. Oh. There’s some… and some more.

uh oh happy learned how to putt

Happy Gilmore: What the hell is wrong with you?
Shooter McGavin: Well, Real Estate is a hobby of mine…
Shooter McGavin: Ah ah. Take one more step, I burn the house and piss on the ashes.

Damn alligator bit my hand off!

Green jacket, gold jacket who gives a crap?

Happy learned how to putt, UH-OH!

You little son of a b*tch ball! Why you don’t you just go home? That’s your HOME! Are you too good for your home? ANSWER ME! SUCK MY WHITE *ss BALL!

You were great out there today. But not that great. A lot of that was luck.

(Turns around) Psycho…

I tell you, the real winner today is the city of Portland. Every time I come here it gets hard to leave. I bet you put something to the water.

Happy Gilmore: During high school,
I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.

Terry: All you ever talk about is becoming a pro hockey player, but there’
s a problem: you’re not any good.
Happy Gilmore: I am good. You know what, you’re a lousy kindergarten teacher. I’ve seen those finger-paintings you bring home and they SUCK.

you like to eat peices of sh*t for breakfast?

Donald: Hey Gilmore, you suck ya jackass.
Happy Gilmore: Why don’t you shut the hell up.

Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.

Spoken like a true asshole.

You’re gonna die, clown.

Chubbs: It’s all in the hips. It’s all in the hips. It’s all in the hips. It’s all in the hips.
Happy Gilmore: Get off of me.
Chubbs: Just easing the tension, baby. Just easing the tension.
Happy Gilmore: Yeah, well ease it on someone else.

You suck! Ya Jackass!

Shooter McGavin: Just stay out of my way or you’ll pay, listen to what I say.
Happy Gilmore: Hey why don’t I just got and eat some hay. I can lay by the bay, make things out of clay, I just may, what’d ya say?

Shooter! Wanna go to the sizzler and catch some grub?

Son of a b*tch ball. Why can’t you go home? Aren’t you good enough for your home? ANSWER ME! Suck my white *ss ball!

Crazy Old Lady: Mister! Mister! Get me outta here!
Happy Gilmore: Here, eat that and leave us alone!

Now you’re gonna get it Bobby.

Happy Gilmore: I’ll make you a bet. If you get this puck into that net, I’ll never bother you again. But if you miss, you have to give me a big fat kiss. And you have to pretend you like it too.
Virginia: Do you always carry a puck with you?
Happy Gilmore: Yeah.
Happy Gilmore: Holy sh*t. Talk about your all time backfires.

Chubbs: Golf requires concentration and focus.
Happy Gilmore: Golf requires goofy pants and a fat *ss. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant. Probably a great golfer. Huge *ss.
Chubbs: I’ll bet your neighbor the accountant doesn’t have a shot at joining the pro tour, and winning the championships. Get that gold jacket like I never got.
Happy Gilmore: Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a sh*t?

You will not make this putt… you jackass!

Chubbs: Golf’s no different from hockey. It requires talent and self discipline.
Happy: Golf requires goofy pants and a fat *ss. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant, probably a great golfer, huge *ss.
Chubbs: Hey, I’ll bet your neighbor the accountant can’t drive the ball 400 yards. I’ll bet your neighbor the accountant doesn’t have a shot to get on the Pro Tour!
Happy: And how would I do that?
Chubbs: You win the Open tomorrow, and you’re automatically on the Pro Tour. Then who knows, maybe you’ll win the Tour Championship. Get that gold jacket that I never got.
Happy: Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a sh*t?

Thats twice thus far shooter.

You were great out there today.

And you can count on me, waiting for you in the parking lot!

You little son of a b*tch ball! Why you don’t you just go HOME? That’s your HOME! Are you too good for your HOME? ANSWER ME! SUCK MY WHITE *ss, BALL!

Somebody’s Closer!!! (High-pitched voice)

If I saw myself dressed like that, I’d have to kick my own *ss.

Happy Gilmore: Looks like a slight hill. Whaddya think?
Jack Beard: And a slant to the left.
Happy Gilmore: Nah, it looks that way cause you’ve only got one shoe on.

Chubbs: They never let me play on the pro tour.
Happy Gilmore: Oh I’m sorry Because your black?
Chubbs: HELL no. Damn alligator bit my hand off!
Happy Gilmore: OH MY GOD!

[McGavin takes a shot]Mr.
Larson: Trying to reach the green from here, Shooter?
McGavin: That’s not possible, sir.Mr.
Larson: I beg to differ, Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago.
McGavin: (turning round and seeing Mr. Larson) Well, moron, good for Happy Gilm-OH MY GOD!!

I’m stupid. You’re smart. I was wrong. You were right. You’re the best. I’m the wrost. You’re very good-looking. I’m not very attractive.

thats my puck baby dont you ever touch my puck

Lot of pressure. You’ve gotta rise above it. You’ve got to harness in the good energy, block out the bad. Harness… energy… block… bad. Feel the flow, feel it. It’s circular. Its like a carousel– you pay the quarter, you get on the horse. It goes up and down and around. Circular… circle. With the music, the flow. All good things.

your gonna die clown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grandma: What happened to that nice girlfriend of yours?
Happy Gilmore: Oh, She got hit by a car, she’s dead.

Announcer: We haven’t seen Happy Gilmore play this badly since his first day on tour. He and Bob Barker are now dead last.
Barker: I can’t believe you’re a professional golfer. I think you should be working at the snack bar.
Happy: You better relax, Bob.
Barker: There is no way that you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf.
Happy: All right. Let’s go![he punches Barker in the face]
Happy: You like that, old man?! You want a piece of me?!
Barker: [shakes his head as he get up from the ground] I don’t want a piece of you. I want the whole THING![he repeatedly punches Happy vigorously until he hits the water]
Happy: [angrily emerges from the water] Now you’re gonna get it, Bobby![he and Barker continue fighting, and they roll down the hill, until Happy conks Barker in the head and gets back on his feet]
Man from behind: [cheers Happy on] Happy!
Happy: The Price is wrong, b*tch![Barker suddenly chokes Happy and punches him 3 times]
Barker: I think you’ve had enough.[Happy tries to get back up again]
Barker: No?[he kicks Happy in the face once more]
Barker: Now you’ve had enough. [sets off, then turns back to Happy] b*tch.

That’s my puck, baby, don’t you ever touch my puck.

Stay out of my way or you’ll pay. Listen to what I say.

Shooter McGavin: You’re in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of sh*t like you for breakfast!
Happy Gilmore: [laughing] You eat pieces of sh*t for breakfast?
Shooter McGavin: [long pause] No!

My father could have been a great comedian but he didn’t believe that that was possible for him, and so he made a conservative choice. Instead, he got a safe jog as an accountant and when I was 12 years old he was let go from that safe job, and our family had to do whatever we could to survive. I learned many great lessons from my father. Not the least of which was that: you can fail at what you don’t want. So you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.

I’m the first to admit this whole salary thing is getting out of control. In the final analysis, it’s still about the work.

So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect, so we never dare to ask the universe for it.

I love playing ego and insecurity combined.

I know this sounds strange, but as a kid, I was really shy. Painfully shy. The turning point was freshman year, when I was the biggest geek alive. No one, I mean no one, even talked to me.

You might as well take a chance on doing what you love.

I learned many great lessons from my father, not the least of which, was that you can fail at what you don’t want so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love

Either you’re the one erasing or you’re the one being erased.

You are ready and able to do beautiful things in this world….you will only ever have two choices: love or fear. Choose love, and don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.

It’s better to fail at what you love than fail at what you don’t.

I’ve tried everything. I’ve done therapy, I’ve done colonics. I went to a psychic who had me running around town buying pieces of ribbon to fill the colors in my aura. Did the Prozac thing.

My report card always said, ‘Jim finishes first and then disrupts the other students’.

The purpose of art is to bring people into presence.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they’re eating sandwiches.

You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.

Originality is really important.

I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ‘Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.’

I really want to love somebody. I do. I just don’t know if it’s possible forever and ever.

I’m very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful.

Life opens up opportunities to you, and you either take them or you stay afraid of taking them.

A better you means a better universe.

You are ready and able to do beautiful things in this world, and as you walk through those doors today, you will only have two choices: love or fear. Choose love, and don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.

You know the trouble with real life? there’s no danger music.

It’s time to p-a-r-t-why? because I gotta!.

I am heaven.

It is better to risk starving to death then surrender. If you give up on your dreams, what’s left?

I feel that we’re all lighthouses, and my job is to shine my light as brightly as I can to the darkness.

Flowers don’t worry about how they’re going to bloom. They just open up & turn toward the light & that makes them beautiful.

I praticed making faces in the mirror and it would drive my mother crazy. She used to scare me by saying that I was going to see the devil if I kept looking in the mirror. That fascinated me even more, of course.

My focus is to forget the pain of life. Forget the pain, mock the pain, reduce it. And laugh.

Maybe other people will try to limit me but I don’t limit myself.

I’m so wrapped up in my work that it’s often impossible to consider other things in my life. My marriage ended in divorce because of this, my relationship with Holly has suffered by this.

As far as I can tell, it’s just about letting the universe know what you want and then working toward it while letting go of how it comes to pass.

If you aren’t in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret.

When the first big paycheque with ‘Dumb And Dumber’ hit, I went: ‘Gosh, I wonder if this will affect my performance. Will I do a take and think, was that worth $7 million?’ But that never happened. If anything, it made me rebel against that thing when people who get rich start playing it safe.

Life is an ordeal, albeit an exciting one, but I wouldn’t trade it for the good old days of poverty and obscurity.

People need motivation to do anything. I don’t think human beings learn anything without desperation.

The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is.

I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.

Take a chance on faith – not religion, but faith. Not hope, but faith. I don’t believe in hope. Hope is a beggar. Hope walks through the fire. Faith leaps over it.

I refuse to feel guilty. I feel guilty about too much in my life but not about money. I went through periods when I had nothing, so somebody in my family has to get stinkin’ wealthy.

I really believe in the philosophy that you create your own universe. I’m just trying to create a good one for myself.

Isn’t it cool when the days that are supposed to feel good, actually do?.

Hope walks through the fire. Faith leaps over it.

True religion has, at its core: love, peace, mercy, justice and freedom. If any of these elements is not fully present in a religion, the religion has been compromised.

Everything you gain in life will rot and fall apart, and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart.

So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality.

To find real peace you have to let the armor go. Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don’t let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form. Risk being seen in all of your glory.

Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don’t let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through this form. Risk being seen in all of your glory.

Madness is never that far away. It’s as close as saying yes to the wrong impulse.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Energy is what I believe all of us are. We’re just conscious awareness dancing for itself for no other reason but to stay amused.

Usually you regret the things you say no to.

For the most sensitive among us, the noise can be too much.

I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my garden, and I go, ‘remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.

You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well try what you do want.

Green Eggs and Ham was the story of my life. I wouldn’t eat a thing when I was a kid, but Dr. Seuss inspired me to try cauliflower!

You are ready and able to do beautiful things in this world.

Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world.

Compassion is the currency that leads to true wealth.

You are ready and able to do beautiful things in this world and after you walk through those doors…you’ll only really ever have two choices: love or fear. Choose love. And don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.

If you’ve got a talent, protect it.

If you give up on your dreams, what’s left?

My soul is not contained within the limits of my body; my body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

Carl Fredricksen: Tell your boss he can have my house.
Construction Foreman Tom: Really?
Carl Fredricksen: Yeah. When I’m dead!

Good afternoon. Are you in need of any assistance today sir?

When the going gets tough, put one foot in front of the other and just keep going. Don’t give up.

After a decade in high altitude astronomy, I was really messed up.

Keep going

your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Keep going. Tough situations build strong people in the end.

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don’t really know what’s happening down there. Who is the real hero?

In the end we come up with a conclusion that we need to start from somewhere.

Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, “I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead.” Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead!

Never stop dreaming,
never stop believing,
never give up,
never stop trying, and
never stop learning.

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

The world’s greatest achievers have been those who have always stayed focussed on their goals and have been consistent in their efforts.

Russell: Oh! Mr. Fredricksen! If we happen to get separated,
use the wilderness explorer call: “CA – CA! RAWRRR!

Success is not obtained overnight. It comes in installments; you get a little bit today, a little bit tomorrow until the whole package is given out. The day you procrastinate, you lose that day’s success.

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.

Russell: But I want to help!
Carl Fredricksen: I don’t want your help, I want you safe.

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.

People will walk in and walk out of your life, but the one whose footstep made a long lasting impression is the one you should never allow to walk out.

Hey, I know a joke, a squirrel walks up to a tree and says: ”I forgot to store acorns for winter and now I’m dead”, It’s funny because the squirrel is dead!

So long boys! I’ll send you a post card from Paradise Falls…

Life is the biggest conflict

…

add up few arguments.

Some of the most beautiful things we have in life comes from our mistakes.

I am just a child who has never grown up. I still keep asking these ‘how’ and ‘why’ questions. Occasionally, I find an answer.

Don’t let mental blocks control you. Set yourself free. Confront your fear and turn the mental blocks into building blocks.

You may be the only person left who believes in you, but it’s enough. It takes just one star to pierce a universe of darkness. Never give up.

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.

Nicole can do anything that involves a ball and whistle.

God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.

HI MY? NAME IS DOUG I HAVE JUST MET YOU AND I LOVE YOU.

Competition has been shown to be useful up to a certain point and no further, but cooperation, which is the thing we must strive for today, begins where competition leaves off.

(after Carl opened his front door) Good afternoon, my name is Russell. I am a Wilderness Explorer in Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12 , are you in any need of assistance today sir?

Gratitude was never meant to be an excuse for giving up on the obstacles god has put before you. Some of the most magical things he can bring us require faith and a lot of planning.

That one looks like a turtle! And that one looks like a dog!

Ukiwa juu uwezekano wa kushuka chini ni mkubwa sana, kuliko ukiwa chini ambapo uwezekano wa kupanda juu ni mkubwa sana.

They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.

Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life. Keep going. Tough situations build strong people in the end.

If you fall behind, run faster. Never give up, never surrender, and rise up against the odds.

Smoke defies the axiom that whatever goes up must come down.

Smartass disciple: master, why heaven is up there and hell is down there ?
master of stupidity: if otherwise, it wouldn’t be celebrated as ascension day.

The one who falls and gets up is stronger than the one who never tried. Do not fear failure but rather fear not trying.

Whoa, that’s s gonna be like a billion transfers to get back to my house…

Courage doesn’t always roar, sometimes it’s the quiet voice at the end of the day whispering ‘i will try again tomorrow.

Constituation is build up on missguided conduct + manipulation.

Alpha: Now, you must wear the cone of shame.
Dug: I do not like the cone of shame.

And he said “i would go down and suck his dick…”… – the nation is so f*cked up!.

That might sound boring, but I think the boring stuff is the stuff I remember the most.

Carl Fredricksen: You’d better get up, Russell. Or else, the tigers will come and eat you.
Russell: Tigers don’t live in South America. Zoology.

Perhaps you are just close to what you have been waiting for all along and ideas start formulating in your mind and advising you to “give up”. Tell them “not me”.

Three dot, a trinity, a way to map the universe,
three dot.

If you don’t give up on something you truly believe in, you will find a way.

Life is not about, fun at age 1-10,14, then time to start smoking, taking drugs and abuse alcohol which is at age 14-20-21… Then serious relationship…, serious work… And then getting where most mediocre people end up.

Monsanto is among the biggest serial killers in the usa.

Truth hurts… But I would like more from what’s around than lies and lies… Which won’t wake me up…

You can dance in the storm. Don’t wait for the rain to be over before because it might take too long. You can can do it now. Wherever you are, right now, you can start, right now; this very moment.

Russell: I’m tired! My knee hurts!
Carl Fredricksen: Which knee?
Russell: …My elbow hurts!

There is no substitute for hard work. Never give up. Never stop believing. Never stop fighting.

He’s gandalf on crack and an iv of red bull, with a big leather coat and a .44 revolver in his pocket.

How did the health and safety cover-up work out for you in the end?.

I have grown up in a neighborhood which there was constant drama and tragedy. I know cinema more than you ever think.

Pornography wants to suck you up.
once you got sucked up… you are going to be manipulated by social engineering.

It takes a long time to bring the past up to the present.

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.

Hey, that one looks like a turtle! Look at that one! That one looks like a dog! AAH!!! It is a dog!

Go higher and higher, until it becomes impossible to bring you down, I wanna use a microscope to locate you, don’t even dream of coming down.

Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

No. Don’t give up hope just yet. It’s the last thing to go. When you have lost hope, you have lost everything. And when you think all is lost, when all is dire and bleak, there is always hope.

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

Let’s play a game. It’s called “See Who Can Be Quiet The Longest.

To love someone with all of your heart requires reaching them where they are with the only words they can understand.

It doesn’t matter how many times you get knocked down. All that matters is you get up one more time than you were knocked down.

On the mountains of truth you can never climb in vain: either you will reach a point higher up today, or you will be training your powers so that you will be able to climb higher tomorrow.

Do you not agree with that which I am saying to you now?

There are five important things for living a successful and fulfilling life: never stop dreaming, never stop believing, never give up, never stop trying, and never stop learning.

I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later.

You were talking to a rock. Hey! That one looks like a turtle. And that one looks like a dog!

Look, why don’t we play a game I know? Whoever is quietest for the longest time wins.

The point is to wake up, not to earn a ph.d. In waking up.

If life didn’t give you at least one person not wanting you to succeed then half of us would lose are motivation to climb that cliff, in order to prove them wrong.

If you have a dream, don’t just sit there. Gather courage to believe that you can succeed and leave no stone unturned to make it a reality.

The most difficult thing about success is finding someone who would be happy for you.

I felt her absence. It was like waking up one day with no teeth in your mouth. You wouldn’t need to run to the mirror to know they were gone.

Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see, and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.