Spongebob: Now that we’re men, we have facial hair.
Patrick: Now that we’re men I changed my underwear.

Patrick: What does claustrophobic mean?
Spongebob: It means he’s a afraid of Santa Clause

You don’t need a license to drive a sandwich.

Ravioli Ravioli, give me the formuoli.

Are you Squidward now? … That’s okay take your time.

I’ll have you know that I stubbed by toe last week and only cried for 20 minutes.

Spongebob: Patrick, you’re a genius!
Patrick: Yeah, I get called that a lot.
Spongebob: What? A genius?
Patrick: No, Patrick.

Firmly grasp it in your hand.

Spongebob: Hey Patrick
Patrick: What?
Spongebob: I thought of something funnier than 24.
Patrick: Let me hear it.
Spongebob: 25.

I know of a place where you never get harmed. A magical place with magical charm. Indoors. Indoors. Indoors. Take it away penny.

Spongebob: guess what day today is? Patrick: annoy squidward day? Spongebob: no silly! thats on the 15!

I wumbo, you wumbo, he-she-me wumbo. Wumboing, wumbology, the study of wumbo! It’s first grade Spongebob.

Dumb people are always blissfully unaware of how dumb they really are…(drools)

Squidward, your ceiling is talking to me.

Patrick: *with candy on his mouth* “All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollypop?” *spongebob, the cops, and patrick laugh* “I mean it!”

Holographic Meatloaf? My favorite!

Spongebob: “Run Mr. Krabs! Run like you’re not in a coma!

Patrick: “Oh, barnacles!”

Spongebob: Quick, Patrick, without thinking: if you could have anything right now, what would it be? Patrick: Um… more time for thinking.

Spongebob: Excuse me, sir, but you’re sitting on my body, which is also my face.

Spongebob: “What do you usually do when I’m gone? Patrick: waiting for you to come back.”

Well, it may be stupid, but it’s also dumb.

Spongebob: Aw, cheer up, Squid! It could be worse! Patrick: Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose.

Squidward: You mean you’ve never heard the story of the… hash-slinging slasher? SpongeBob: The slash-bringing hasher? Squidward: The hash-slinging slasher. SpongeBob: The sash wringing… the trash thinging… mash flinging… the flash springing, bringing the the crash thinging the… Squidward: Yes. The hash-slinging slasher

Well, it’s no secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets, secretly.

Gary, I’m absorbing his blows like I’m made of some sort of spongy material

Squidward… I used your clarinet to unclog my toilet!

SpongeBob: [thinking] I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I definitely don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it.
SpongeBob: [shouts] I… need… it!

Patrick: Who’s ready?
SpongeBob: I’m ready!
Patrick: Who’s ready?
SpongeBob: I’m ready!
Patrick: Who’s ready?
SpongeBob: *I’m ready!*

SpongeBob is the only guy I know who can have fun with a jellyfish… [shouting] for 12 hours!

Mermaid Man: Now, who wants to save the world?
Spongebob: I do!
Patrick: I do!
Sandy Cheeks: I do!
Squidward: I don’t.

SpongeBob: [in a mattress store] Wow, look at all these mattresses! How many do you think here are?
Patrick: [looks around the store] 10.
SpongeBob: Cool.

SpongeBob: Hi, Kevin. I’m your biggest fan.
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: That’s nice. Security!
SpongeBob: No, no! I’ll do anything you want!
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Go jump off a building.
[SpongeBob jumps off building, returns]
SpongeBob: Anything.
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Punch yourself in the face.
[SpongeBob punches himself with a boxing glove]
Kevin the Sea Cucumber: Doesn’t that hurt?
SpongeBob: [Puts on a metal gauntlet with spikes] Do you want it to hurt, Kevin?

Patrick: Are they laughing at us?
Spongebob: No, Patrick. They’re laughing next to us.

You never really know the true value of a moment, until it becomes a memory.

There it is. The finest eating establishment ever established for eating. The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty, with the Help Wanted sign on the front. I’ve waited years for this moment. I’m gonna go in there, march straight up to the manager, look at him straight in the eye, lay it on the line, and – I can’t do it!

Oh well, I guess I’m not wearing any pants today!

SpongeBob: We’re not doing so well, Patrick. We need a new approach, a new tactic. Patrick: Umm, I got it. Let’s get naked!

You’re a man now, SpongeBob, and it’s time you started acting like one.

See, no one says “cool” anymore. That’s such an old person thing. Now we say “coral”, as in “That nose job is so coral.

Knowledge cannot replace friendship. I’d rather be an idiot than lose you.

Patrick: Careful, Spongebob; Careful Spongebob. Spongebob careful. Careful Spongebob! Spongebob: Patrick Patrick: Yeah? Spongebob: It’s already open. Patrick: Oh

Can you give spongebob his brain back, i had to borrow it for the week

Patrick: Is Sandy the one I call “Mom”? SpongeBob: No Patrick, that’s your mother.

Police: If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. [locks SpongeBob and Patrick in jail cell and opens it again after a second] Okay, time’s up. Now get out! SpongeBob: But…we stole a balloon! Police: Yeah, on free balloon day!

Spongebob: What’s better than serving up smiles? Squidward: being dead or anything else

if I were to die right now in a fiery explosion due to carelessness of a friend…. Then it would just be alright

Spongebob: I’m Dirty Dan. Patrick: No, I’m Dirty Dan. Spongebob: What makes you think you can be Dirty Dan? Patrick: I’m dirty.

Good people don’t rip other people’s arms off.

Spongebob: “Wow, Patrick, I didn’t know you spoke bird.” Patrick: “No, Spongebob, that’s Italian

That’s it mister! You just lost your brain privileges!

The Krusty Krab Pizza, is the Pizza for you and me!

Isn’t this great Squidward? It’s just the 3 of us. You, me, and this brick wall you built between us.

We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request.

SpongeBob: “What do you usually do when I’m gone?”

Patrick Star: “Wait for you to come back.”

The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.

Too bad SpongeBob isn’t here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here.

Mr. Krabs: “That hat makes you look like a girl.”
SpongeBob: “Am I a pretty girl?!”

If I were to die right now in a fiery explosion due to carelessness of a friend… Then it would just be alright.

A five letter word for happiness…money.

Happy happy birthday, happy birthday cake
Happy happy birthday, pin the tail on the seahorse
Happy happy birthday, happy birthday Squidward!

Happy Halloween, ScaredyPants.

The name’s SquarePants. It’s SquarePants! [Cut later at his house, inside a pumpkin. SpongeBob and Gary are inside of it] I don’t get it, Gary. Every Halloween, no matter how hard I try, everybody scares me.

Mr. Krabs: Hold on. Don’t you want to hear my annual scary story?
SpongeBob: No thank you, Mr. Krabs. Uhh, does it have monsters in it?
Mr. Krabs: Aye, the worst monster of them all.
SpongeBob: Uhh… no. [opens the door then turns around] Is it a true story?
Mr. Krabs: True as the deep blue.
SpongeBob: Okay, maybe just a little.

SpongeBob: Excuse me, did his ship look like a Krabby Patty?
Mr. Krabs: Like I was saying, The Flying Dutchman swoops down and starts stealing people’s souls. [holds up a pickle]
SpongeBob: Do souls look like pickles?
Mr. Krabs: Aye, as a matter of fact, they do. And he puts them where you can never get them… in his soul bag. [drops the pickle into a bag that has the words “Krusty Krab” crossed out and the word “soul” written above it. Mr. Krabs laughs evilly as Squidward appears behind SpongeBob in a pirate suit]
Squidward: I’ve come for your pickle! [SpongeBob jumps up screaming]
Mr. Krabs: Ah, Scaredy Pants gets easier to scare every year! [Squidward takes his costume off as SpongeBob, in a barrel, sees the pirate was Squidward]
SpongeBob: Humph, Squidward!
Mr. Krabs: Nothing like a good ghost story, eh, me boy? Hope you’re not too scared to come to me party tonight, SpongeBob ScaredyPants! [laughs while walking out]

Patrick: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Gary, it’s Patrick! I’m going to scare him! It’s my turn. [opens the door and tries to scare Patrick] Rawr! [Patrick has some funny glasses on]
Patrick: Hiya, SpongeBob! [SpongeBob screams. Patrick takes his glasses off] Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.
SpongeBob: Why can’t I be frightening for once? Where’s my chance?
Patrick: Well, if you want to be scary, you got to need a good costume. [later, SpongeBob walks out of his closet with a big, white sheet on]

Patrick: Come on, SpongeBob. It’s little kids! Little kids are easy to scare! [door opens]
Kids: Trick-or-treat!
SpongeBob: [jumps out and tries to scare the kids like he did Patrick] Rawr-rawr! [kids laugh]
Kid #1: Look, it’s the haunted mattress!
SpongeBob: Okay, okay, here’s your candy.
Kid #1: No, please, that was enough of a treat, thank you. [kids walk away laughing]
SpongeBob: I don’t get it, Patrick.

I have a square head and a real ghost has a round one. All we have to do is make my head round and boo, I’m scary!