From Jackie Gleason To Burt Reynolds: Smokey And The Bandit Quotes

Carrie: Actually, my heaviest relationship was with an acid-rock singer… named Robert Crumly. We were together, oh, eight-and-a-half days. God, I really thought that was it.
Bandit: And?
Carrie: One day, I came home and found him in the shower… with a girl… and her mother!
Bandit: Well, at least he kept it in the family.

Bandit:
For the good old American life: For the money, for the glory, and for the fun… mostly for the money.

Big Enos: Son, you’re looking at a legend.
Little Enos: I guess a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot a like, daddy.

Sheriff Branford: The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.Buford T.
Justice: The god damn Germans got nothin’ to do with it.

Cledus Snow: Besides, I can’t go with you. I got to go to Conyers in the morning and pick up a load of manure.
Bandit: Um, shitty job.

Bandit: Snowman, you got your ears on?
Cledus Snow: You lucky devil, you got him! Where the hell are you?

This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin’ around with those show folk fags.

Junior: My hat blew off, daddy.Buford T.
Justice: I hope your g*dd*mn head was in it.

Bandit: Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please.Buford T.
Justice: Who there?
Bandit: This is Bandit Darville talkin’.Buford T.
Justice: Where are you, you sombitch?
Bandit: Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there’s just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog, ’cause I’ve been chased by the best of them, and son, you make ’em look like they’re all runnin’ in slow motion. I just wanna say that.Buford T.
Justice: Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you’re the goddamnedest pursuee I’ve ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullsh*t is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SOMBITCH?

You sum-bitches couldn’t close an umbrella.

Carrie: You have a great profile.
Bandit: Yeah, I do, don’t I? Especially from the side.
Carrie: Well, at least we agree on something.
Bandit: Yeah. We both like half of my face.

Bandit: You must be in a hell of a hurry, huh, Sheriff?Buford T.
Justice: You bet your *ss on that, boy.

You sum b*tch. You did that on purpose. You’re going away ’till you’re gray. I got the evidence.

Bandit: Now, gettin’ to Texarkana and back in 28 hours, that’s no problem.
Little Enos: It ain’t never been done before, hot sh*t.
Bandit: Watch your language, little lady.

Give me a diablo sandwich, a Dr. Pepper, and make it quick, I’m in a god-damn hurry.

Little Enos: Well, if you can’t do it…
Bandit: That’s real good psychology. Why don’t you say something bad about my mother?
Little Enos: Your momma is so ugly…

What the hell is the world coming to?

Daddy! Wait! Who’s gonna hold your hat?

Buford T.
Justice: Hey boy, where is Sheriff Branford at?
Sheriff Branford: I AM Sheriff Branford.Buford T.
Justice: Oh, pardon me. For some reason you sounded a little taller on radio.

Cledus Snow: Whoa!
Cledus Snow: I just passed another Kojack with a Kodak, this place is crawling with bears, where the hell are you?

I’m gonna barbecue your *ss in molasses.

Bandit: Cledus, get the money.
Little Enos: How ’bout double or nothin’?
Bandit: Wait a minute. What about double or nothin’?
Little Enos: You run up to Boston, and bring back some clam chowder for me and my daddy.
Carrie: You’re on.
Bandit: Uh, you’re on.
Big Enos: In 18 hours?
Bandit: You’re still on.

Buford T.
Justice: And don’t go home, and don’t go to eat, and don’t play with yourself. It wouldn’t look nice on my highway.Buford T.
Justice: Now, you can THINK about it… but don’t do it!

Just keep your eye out for that Mr. Bandit b*st*rd!

Buford T.
Justice: Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum’s pecker.
Junior: Except for that…Buford T.
Justice: Shut your *ss.

Oh I love your suits. It must have been a b*tch to get a 68 Extra Fat and a 12 Dwarf.

Duck, or you’ll be talkin’ out your *ss.

Cledus Snow: Atlanta to Texarkana and back in twenty eight hours? That ain’t never been done before.
Bandit: That’s cause *we* ain’t never done it.
Cledus Snow: Suppose we don’t make it?
Bandit: Hey, we ain’t never not made it before, have we?

Waynette Snow: No, Bandit! Not this time! Cledus is not goin’ with you! He got in enough trouble last time! Dammit, Bandit, look at me when I’m talking to you!
Bandit: I find it hard to look at you, Waynette. With all those curlers in your hair, you look like you’re tryin’ to pick up a radio station in Savannah.

Carrie: Don’t you ever take off that stupid hat?
Bandit: I take my hat off for one thing, one thing only.
Carrie: Oh…
Carrie: Take your hat off.
Carrie: I mean, If you want to…
Bandit: I want to.

Gimme $500 on the Bandit.

There’s no way, no WAY that you came from my loins.

Buford T.
Justice: You want something?
Junior: Hush puppies, daddy.Buford T.
Justice: We don’t got time for that crap! Dumb sumbitch!

I think I’m in love with your belt buckle.

There is no way, NO way that you came from my loins. The first thing I’m gonna do when I get home is punch your momma in the mouth.

Bandit: What the hell was that?
Carrie: A left. Or a half a U.

Bandit: I’m goin’ to need a fast car.
Bandit: Faster than that.
Little Enos: I’d like to kick his *ss just one time.

Bandit: What do you think they do for excitement in this town?
Cledus Snow: Probably sit around and watch the cars rust.

That’s an attention-getter.

What we’re dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.